Adoption Blogs

I talked to my son today on the phone. We haven't talked in a couple of weeks because we've both just been very busy. Afterwards he sent me an email with some dates he and his wife would be available for a visit. They didn't make it down for Christmas and all their presents are in a pile in my living room, no tree left to explain their presence. Life happens. And he's been knee deep in going to school to be a paramedic, volunteering as an EMT and Firefighter, remodeling his house, and finding time to be with his equally busy wife who is a nurse at the Mayo Clinic. But today, he called. People often ask me what Joe calls me - Pat, Birthmother, Mom, or even Aunt? It… [more]

This is a hard post to write because I still have mixed feelings about this topic:  Birth mom visits.  In the case of our three youngest, prior to mom's voluntary termination in July of 2010, they had had weekly visits with her, supervised at the CPS office.  At the mediation, we agreed to twice monthly visits until adoption, followed by quarterly visits thereafter supervised by me or my hubby.  We also had a "missed visit" clause; if she missed two consecutive visits for any reason, we could stop the visits all together.  Any adjustments or rescheduling was completely at our discretion. So here we are.  I was just reviewing the stats; we saw her in September of 2010, she then missed all her… [more]

So it's been about a week of whole foods, no preservatives, no high fructose corn syrup and I am grudgingly convinced that we might be on to something. Nothing big yet but definitely some noticeable differences. First, there were the two days of apparent withdrawal from all the gunk in their food, and the kids were atrocious, like they all had PMS. Then I noticed how much easier my job is, not having to monitor what they're getting from the kitchen. There's absolutely nothing they can't eat in the kitchen anymore, so they can get whatever they want whenever they want. (I am going to have to go online and find some kind of organic chocolate bars for them or something, to… [more]

My wife and I have been following a story that has been going on about a thousand miles away from us and their experience begs the question- At what point is the baby “our” baby? It’s not something that I hadn’t thought about before, but I ache when I see the way this particular couple has been handling their situation. I’ll get back to that couple’s story in a second, but permit me to go back early into our second adoption when we were first contacted. When we met our daughter’s birthmother for the first time, she told us about the couple she had originally chosen. For reasons that are her own, she changed her mind about the couple she was originally considering… [more]

Having an exchange student in my home has given me another perspective on life. Things in America are definitely different from in other countries. The things that we take for granted are not often not true in other parts of the world. One of the biggest differences is the Foster Care System. Those of you involved know that a lot of legalities go into the protection of children- sometimes it can feel as though there are too many hoops to jump through. If a child falls into an unsafe situation in America, the foster care system gets involved and tries to do what is best for the family. I know that this does not always seem to occur but it is the stated goal. In… [more]

The sun is shining in the window, the kids are all cleaning their rooms and I am sitting in silence and blogging- I think that it is going to be a great day! I can not tell you how much I love the slow Saturdays in the winter. They happen so rarely the rest of the year that I hold tight to the ones I have. My husband is a farmer. He is up at the crack of dawn and home at dusk- 10 months of the year. The kids look forward to the other 2 months with great plans. This is a way of life for them. They know that their father will not make every sporting event and 4-H activity. I… [more]

I was recently asked a question from a friend who was soon to adopt. She said that she liked the idea of open adoption, but didn’t know what level of openness they wanted for their family. It’s an interesting question and I wish more couples would take it seriously (this friend of mine is taking it seriously). Waiting for a baby is so very hard. I remember very well when we were waiting, especially the first time we adopted. There was no way of knowing if we would get a call within a week to tell us there was a child ready for our home or if we would need to wait five more years before someone would even notice our profile. Everything I… [more]

I'm back from a little break which I took because I was dangerously close to having to home school my sophomore. With mom's vigilant attention to every assignment, he squeaked out with two A's, a C, a D, a D+ and a D-. But hey, like Gavin said, "It's passing." Now we're on to much more fun stuff, like a brand new term and that spring of eternal hope. We have been having medication adventures left and right over the last few months. My 13-year-old daughter, who was doing really well on her ADHD med (Vyvanse), dropped 20 pounds and started looking like an Auschwitz survivor. It was painful to hug her, or really even to look at her, she… [more]

"I want it all, I want it right now." A line from a popular movie soundtrack--I have decided to write on the topic of depression. Society, in general, has an "I want it now" mentality. There is a lot one could say about this, on many topics, and situations--Let's look at it from where I am today... You know what I want? I want to stand up and proudly say who I am. I don't want to sugar coat my life's feelings and experiences, but I also want a positive outlook, more then that of a survivor. I was born to thrive. As a birthparent, I want acceptance and as a woman, I want unconditional love and friendship--no flakes accepted into my life. I hate dishonesty. Lets be open and allow the thoughts we have on adoption… [more]

Last month, I posted about the book Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control . . .The book was really helpful in reminding me that traumatized kids are easily re-traumatized and that I need to get a handle on my own stress if I don't simply want to make matters worse. I am making progress -- but more slowly than I'd like.  The techniques definitely work over time; it's just so hard to implement them consistently.  The holidays were really challenging in this regard. Amongst the things I've realized is that - doh! - having 5 kids makes for a very noisy household.  Having a 2, 3 and 4 year old makes this even more true.  And finally, my own cortisol levels… [more]