When we got to the orphanage to pick our first daughter up, one of the first things the nuns said to us is that she was fat. Too fat, they thought. In fact, they even suggested that I should put her on a diet.

It seemed silly they wanted ME to put her on a diet. They admitted right out they'd been unable to. She cried too pitifully when denied more bottles, they said. So they always relented and fed her.

"Well, good for her," I thought, "for having the gumption to be the squeaky wheel in this orphanage setting." I was unconvinced about the necessity of putting a one year old on a diet.

When I first saw her, she did look round. At 20 months, she weighed... more

Every night I say the same things.

Tasha head on the pillow and eyes closed.

My daughter says the same thing in return.

I can't get to sleep.

Then I say.

You haven't tried. Eyes closed. Sleep. No talk.

Strange sleep ritual, but it works for us.

My darling's brain is racing all the time. She has ADHD and is on medication to help with impulse control. But the medication interferes with sleep. When she is off medication she sleeps about 1 hour more then when... more

Something to consider while you are pregnant and making your hospital plans is what you plan to name your baby. Your baby is yours to name. Yes, his or her adoptive parents may change that name but the name that you give your child will be forever special to him or her.

We did name Punkin when he was born and had to fight to get hospital personnel to use that name. The hospital actually gave him a nickname rather than using the name we had given him. The patient representative and I had a long talk about that one.

I kept everything that I have with Punkin’s birth name on it for him for when he is older. I have a copy of his hospital file and his original birth certificate.... more

But I would not give you false hope On this strange and mournful day But the mother and child reunion Is only a motion away

Paul Simon

There is always a great deal of discussion about preparing for the worst case scenario at the end of a search. However, I would like to talk about the best case ending after a search. I believe in most cases that would be finding a willing and eager family member who wants contact. In cautioning searchers about the worst case outcomes, I feel that sometimes we overlook the best possible outcomes. Therefore,... more

The Other Mother: A Woman’s Love for the Child She Gave Up, by Carol Schaefer is the very first adoption related book I had read. I was 18 years old and it was recommended to me by a family member who is also adopted.

It was this book that inspired me to search for my birth mother. When I finished reading it, there was a list of support groups in the back of the book. I believe there were five organizations listed with the closest to PA being in FL. It was this organization that provided me with information on a local search and support group that I had... more

"What's the difference between a doctor and God?"

Answer: "God doesn't think He's a doctor."

The world of medicine can be bewildering and frightening for the civilian who is not a health professional. Doctors speak in their own language (which is devised, specifically, so that patients don't know what's going on--a lot of it's just Latin), they wear special clothes, they have years and years of special training. My mom, when we were sick and felt like vomiting, used to force us to dress in our Sunday best if we were ever going to see a doctor; the respect and awe was... more

I spend a lot of space in this blog writing about my family, specifically my children. I know the blog is supposed to be about Russian adoption, and I do try to tie every post into the subject, but lately it's occurred to me that I should try to be more broad in my approach to the subject at hand. Probably not everyone is as interested in my life as I seem to be.

That said, I thought I'd recap what's been happening lately in the news in regards to the subject of adoption from Russia. Here we go:

First, there's been a massive slowdown in Russian adoptions since... more

Kathy, a visitor to the Fertilityblog, left this excerpt of a very thoughtful comment:

This is an infertility blog, so adoption issues may feel pre-mature to some of you. But it really isn't. The emotional part of "Infertility Wars" is challenging. Embrace it! Don't fight it! The more honest you are with your feelings about your infertility, the better you'll be at parenting. It strengthens you and helps you grow into a wiseness that will aid you as you go through life, let alone the road to parenting.

Frankly, I've said a million times (much... more

It never fails. You are out in public with your family, minding your own business, and someone starts eyeing your family. If you’re experienced, you can see them coming a mile away. More often than not the stranger approaches and with very little tact demands to know, “Are these kids yours?” or “Did you adopt these children?” or “Which ones are your REAL kids?” If you are first time adoptive parent of a child of another culture, people’s boldness may come as a surprise, or even a shock. I would never walk up to a couple I didn’t know if they were on their first marriage or any other personal question, but for some reason, when your family is visibly different than the majority, lots of people... more

Today we were at the same hospital that Punkin was in for the first four weeks of his life. I get my psychiatric care at one of the clinics there. We visit there at least once a month for my treatment. Every time we are there I of course think of Punkin and how hard those first few weeks of his life were and how hard making the decision to place him was.

So why did we place him? At the time I had unmedicated bipolar II disorder. For those of you that don’t what that is, it used to be called manic depression. I have high mood swings and then deep depressions if I don’t take my medications. Well I wasn’t taking any medications at the time of Punkin’s birth and so my disorder was... more