I wonder if giving up your child for adoption runs in families. I have no idea if this is true or not, but I'm curious to know. I've heard that if you came from a family where adoptions happen, you are more likely to adopt. What about the other side of the adoption triad?

My daughter's birth mom Alice, was adopted. Her adoption was semi-successful; at least for a time. She was adopted at three-years-old after being in foster care.

She went into counseling for attachment, but her adoptive family didn't join her in the therapy. (!!!)

After running... more

Your non-identifying information may not seem particularly useful in the beginning of your search. However, later on, it can provide many clues which may help you narrow your search. To make the best use of your non-id, I suggest that you spend some time with someone who really understands the clues it contains.

For instance:

 It could help you to narrow down the states in which you search. If your non-identifying info states where your birth mom grew up, you know that could be one state to search in. Many birth moms left their homes, or were sent away to give... more

One of the greatest experiences when travelling to Kazakhstan is definitely shopping at the bazaars. Regardless of what city or region you travel to, I can absolutely guarantee you will have the opportunity to shop at a bazaar. Bazaars are to Kazakhstan what Wal-Mart is to the United States. While usually poorly organized, you are bound to eventually find about any necessity you need while in-country, and a number of unique items you will never find anywhere else.

In Kyzylorda, the city we adopted from, there are two bazaars. Now let me start by saying a bazaar should not be confused with a mall. A mall is an old soviet building that has been turned into a quasi-retail center... more

America is so rich compared to Ethiopia. And yet in some ways Ethiopian mothers may know more about what babies need that we Americans do. We in America focus so much on getting babies independent. If an American mom carried a baby as much as Ethiopian moms do, people would probably tell her she was spoiling her child. The pressure on American babies is always to grow up faster.

When groups of American mothers get chatting, talk can sometimes sound like a competition. The faster a baby sleeps all night, loses the binky, gets rid of the bottle, walks alone, soothes himself to sleep,... more

Every adoption is different. International, domestic, state, whatever - they are all different in many ways, but they all come with a mountain of paperwork that we all have fun with during our pre-parenting stage. I'm sure that each process has its own unique requirements, questions and demands of the social workers and other people that come to inspect your house, check your smoke detectors and ask for copies of your car registration (why don't all other parents have to go through this same stuff??!!?? but I digress...).

While we were filling out our fifty page application in four part harmony we got to a part that my husband... more

Fear is a common feeling for any parent-to-be, and there is even more fear for expectant parents in a crisis pregnancy. Not only are you worried about the crisis pressures like money, housing, timing, childcare, or general disapproval, but you face all the same large-scale worries other expectant parents face (“Will I be a good mom or dad? Will my baby be okay in this big, scary world? What can I do to make sure my child turns out well?”)

Because they are not as connected to the pregnancy experience (and are often shunted to the sidelines), men can feel even more of... more

I think there are various forms or degrees of separation anxiety. For me separation anxiety had been a fear about others leaving me whom I feel attached and secure. Separation anxiety may be the number one anxiety problem in childhood but is also prevalent amongst adults and in adoption. Some may think that my talking to my mom everyday is a sign of separation anxiety and it may be. On the flip side, it just may mean that we have a close relationship. The signs that are more obvious to me are that I never liked to be in new situation unless someone whom I feel close and safe... more

Ok - I can't hold back any longer. I've been writing this blog for nearly a month now and haven't once mentioned the one event/activity that is consuming nearly as much of my time as raising LuLu...the Attachment Disorder Network's first annual conference.

As the conference chair, I can honestly say this has been an undertaking of mammoth proportions. And I'm learning that mammoths are not extinct! But as I keep reporting back to the conference committee...every day I get more and more JAZZED about how things are shaping up.

The conference is aptly... more

Here's an interesting article published by the New York Times last May. Reporter Lisa Belkin explores the research surrounding Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated With Streptococcal Infection, or PANDAS for short.

The article describes how researchers have discovered cases of sudden onset OCD in children may be linked to strep infections. And that by use of long-term antibiotics, the children's OCD symptoms improve.

This... more

There is something magical about traveling to a foreign country to go pick up your child. Senses are on high alert. Nerves are keyed up. Your brain is soaking in as much of the overwhelming newness as possible, trying to get a handle on this country in which your child was born.

Our first morning in Ethiopia, we went down to breakfast just an hour or so before we would be heading to the orphanage. We were tired from just getting in the night before, but keyed up. I couldn’t wait to hold my little girl. But our jetlagged selves were also ready for some breakfast.

The buffet table at the Ghion... more