Grieving Adoption Loss Continued from previous post

During the time I was struggling with my emotions concerning the loss we had experienced, I attended a women’s retreat with my sister-in-law. There I connected with a woman I hadn’t seen since college.

She sensed my sadness, gave me a long hug and literally demanded that I grieve. I’ll always remember her stern, yet loving advice: “You have lost a child. You were planning for this baby just as you would have if you’d been pregnant. That child is gone now, and you need to let yourself mourn for him.”

She granted me permission to grieve – something I hadn’t allowed myself to do until... more

Lately, my mother in law has been sending pictures of my adopted stepson as a child. He loves going to the mailbox everyday after school, hoping to see a large manila envelope adorned with stickers, and his name in big bold black letters. She was a large part of his life growing up, raising him for four years, while his father was in the military, and his birthmother was off doing whatever it was she was doing, instead of being a mom to her son.

It is great to be getting so many pictures of him as a baby, and as a toddler. I met my son when he was eight, so... more

The photo above was taken at an event called RegDay(Registration Day). RegDay is an annual event to increase public awareness of the International Soundex Reunion Registry; a free humanitarian service better known as ISRR. This event happens once a year all over the country in different sites. RegDay sites are coordinated and run generally by triad members. Included in this photo are three birth moms, including me at a bookstore where our RegDay event was held in 2003. We also had an equal number of adoptees volunteering at our site.

ISRR is a non-profit mutual... more

Previously I talked about the case plan. One of the first goals of the case plan is reunification, as CPS is mandated to try first to maintain the family unit. But what if there was never any "unification" in the first place?

Say a child has parents that were never married and don't currently live together, and she was removed from the father's home. She never lived with her mom for more than three months in her entire life. She is thirteen.

She is now put into foster care because her father is on drugs and his home is not a suitable placement for her. Her mother doesn't... more

Ever since I've been reading all the other blogs on adoption.com, I've been obsessed with adopting again. I read the Guatemala blog about Moose and his family and I think, "oh yes" I want to adopt from Guatemala. Then I read about grant's experiences at the China blog and my mind wanders to the years my parents spent living in Shanghai, and how they could help teach a new daughter about her Chinese heritage.

Early this morning I read a blog... more

A while back I was talking with a birthmother and advocate for ethical adoption that I know, a real powerhouse of a woman. She’s a fun and positive person, with a strong vision of how beautifully adoption could work if everyone involved would just behave themselves properly. (Unfortunately, for right now, her vision is still more of a dream. Adoption As It Should Be is not very common, while Adoption As It Really Is has a deeply ugly side. You can think of it as the difference between a noble ideal and a poorly regulated business.)

So anyway, this friend gets a lot of calls from women in crisis pregnancy.(It’s impossible to take such calls lightly;... more

This is a sentiment that a recent poster on EEAC's PEP list expressed. This person was reacting to her daughter's constant tantruming and challenging behaviors. Other parents chimed in, letting her know that sometimes they felt that way, too.

I'm sure it was hard for her to admit this lack of love. It's not a very noble feeling, not to like your own child, but I think in many ways it's very normal. Especially if you're the parent of a spirited, or difficult, or strong-willed or challenging youngster. Whatever you want to call it.

I don't want to scare any potential adoptive... more

Oh gosh, it is SO hard to be a hopeful. Much less a hopeful in waiting.

So, what can you do, as a hopeful in waiting?

If you have had your homestudy, and expecting an infant...go ahead and buy some clothes. Get the nursery ready. Take all that pent up energy and create things for your new little bundle of joy.

If you're expecting an older child, and you're not fostering them, it's kind of hard to buy clothes, naturally. However, you can still get a room ready, and then get the bed and headboard, toys, etc.

Now, if you have not had your homestudy done,... more

I've read a couple of really moving posts here lately of parents who are struggling to help out-of-control children. I'm posting a parenting affirmation from my book that I hope will offer some solace in their time of need.

"Sometimes I make a mistake as a parent. I forgive myself."

Remember: Without intention, there may be days where circumstances collide and you may speak harsh words to your child, ignore his needs, or punish her unjustly. Whatever the case, forgive yourself. Seek your child's forgiveness if the situation warrants, even if... more

Hotel Biltmore Express- Guatemala City, Guatemala Location: 15 Calle 0-3, Zona 10, Guatemala City 01009 Nearby Landmarks: Attached to the Westin Camino Real Phone: (502)2459-5727 Website: Hotel Biltmore Express Number of Rooms: 116 Rates: $65 - $100 Moose's Rating: Very Good Walk by the Westing Camino Real (or even throught the Westin)... more