This morning my daughter, Natasha, and I got up early so that we could visit the locally owned donut shop. It is a "hole in the wall".

The donuts are small and not too sweet. * The coffee and hot chocolate are hot. Sections of the current newspaper lay over all the tables. The owners and employees are always happy to see us. And everything is well worn, but comfortable. Last but not least it is inexpensive.

My darling daughter has Combined (Inattentive and Hyperactive) ADHD. And therefore she does her homework... more

Sometimes in this thing we call open adoption it is easy to get dragged down into all of the things that make us sad. I know that I do. Today I was having an ice cream and I thought, gosh I wonder if I will ever get to take my son for ice cream. Chances are pretty good that someday I will and I remembered that and attempted to not have another negative thought about it.

Sometimes when you grieve something like the loss of a child to adoption it is hard to remember that there are good parts about open adoption as well. Some of the things we lose are things that we gain. I may not have gotten to take Punkin for ice cream with us tonight, but I bet I will get to take him for ice... more

While walking in the zoo one day, I took note of how many signs they had posted that said, "Don't Feed The Animals." I thought how silly that was. What harm could it do to toss a peanut to a cute elephant or monkey?

So ok, yes I did it. I tossed some of my popcorn over the fence to the monkeys. It was fun too. Everyone was doing it. I didn't think that the monkey could be harmed by some popcorn.

Just about that moment here came a zoo attendant. He asked everyone to stop feeding the animals. A few of us asked why? What harm can it do?

The zoo attendant told us that if the popcorn gets caught in the monkeys digestive system it can cause the monkey to die. He went... more

I was just sitting here reflecting on what to write about (a daily issue for us bloggers) and I was struck with how important books have been to me and my clients over the years. When I first began working in adoption, there was a real lack of books for adoptive parents and professionals. I swear I read all three that were out there. I do remember when Adoptive Families magazine, still a great, informative read, looked like it was printed at someone's house on a mimeograph machine! For those of you too young to remember, mimeograph machines used some kind of purplish highly pungent jelly to print stuff. Now, there are so many intriguing books on adoption I can hardly keep up... more

One of the most wonderful ways to learn more about a child is to get down on the floor and play. It does not matter what the game is or what doll or race car they give you to use.

When children play they open up and talk. They demonstrate to you the things they have learned both good and bad. They challenge you to see what your response to their actions will be.

When you are down on the floor, they see you as no threat and they begin to smile or frown. They release positive or negative energy.

One good example for me was:

When April was five she had a Barbie car. She loved to run the car violently into things. One day I grabbed one of my old Barbies from... more

The one thing I have found most in all of my years of being around children is they all need tender loving care, even the toughest child with a disposition of me against the world. They need TLC the most. The harder they try to push you away, the closer they need you to draw them in.

It may take humor or a friendly smile, sometimes a pat on the back, and always a compliment of some kind. But step by tiny step you can eventually get even the coldest child to warm up to you.

They are looking for what they have never had before: stability, consistency and friendship.

Eventually they will learn to trust that your smile and your words are constant. They will feel that... more

• Ask those in your support network whether they will be willing to lend a hand from time to time with babysitting or child care. Talk to a wide range of trusted friends and relatives, or people you know from churches or other social organizations. You may be surprised to find out who can relate to your story, and who exactly wants to help. • Consider where you and the baby will live (in your own home? in public housing? in student family housing? with a friend or relative?), and make the necessary arrangements. • If you work, talk to your boss to find out how much leave you can take from work and how they will handle your absence. Learn about the Family... more

When you’re in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy, your whole world can feel so completely out of control that it may help to write an action plan for all the things you’ll need to do over the coming months. Following is a checklist of items which are useful to consider whether you ultimately choose adoption or not. It is by no means complete, but it will get you started in your planning.

• Tell everyone who needs to know that you are pregnant. Stress that you do not want to be pressured, and that you will be taking your time to consider all your options. • Find an OB/GYN... more

So, if you read yesterday’s blog you know K and I are visiting family this week. First stop – Michigan! We are at my sister’s house in a cute little home overlooking the woods. This isn’t the sister with the curly hair; this is my other sister, the therapist sister. The one who spends her working life in counseling sessions and when she isn’t counseling others, she is studying, learning and reading, honing her craft, getting better professionally.

Sis has worked in the mental health field for twenty odd years and has seen it... more

Our everyday life gives us much opportunity to TRY AGAIN when LuLu has trouble navigating a situation. Yesterday found us back at Target...this time for groceries and a few travel necessities, since I was leaving unexpectedly to go to my grandmother's funeral.

LuLu stated up front that she didn't "want" to look at the toys this time, so she wouldn't melt down. "Good," I replied, since I wasn't about to go back to the toy section for a redo of the day before.

But, searching for the right grocery items along with a list of other necessities started to exceed her patience and the grunting started. I calming asked, "So is this the part of the day when we leave this full cart... more