About fifteen minutes later she showed up in my room. She apologized and her body language mostly matched her words but there was still some resistance. I honestly can’t remember exactly what I said, but whatever it was it caved the last of her resistance and she started to cry—real tears. She said something about her crying, like that was a bad thing, and I pointed out the difference between drama tears and real tears. (I think she already knew that, it was just one last attempt at manipulation!) And then... more

Just in time for Mother’s Day AdoptionShop.com has put together a wonderful little gift basket that would bring a tear to any mother’s eye! This adorable little set comes complete with the following:

The book “Love You Forever” which was written by Robert Munsch about the unending love that a mother has for her child, as she holds her son at night while softly singing to him “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.”

An 8x10 piece of artwork from the very popular line of Wonderful Wacky Women is also included in the Mother's Day gift set. The piece is entitled “The Stuff Great Mom’s Are... more

In the previous post, I defined post-adoption depression and provided some tips for how to decrease the likelihood of experiencing it.

Today, I’d like to introduce you to one of the best books for adoptive parents that I’ve read in ages: The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforseen Challenges of Adoption, by Karen Foli and Dr. John Thompson.

This... more

Below is an article on bullying that I found to be quite interesting. My adopted stepson has had to deal with bullies in school almost the entire time that he has been in school. The instability that he faced growing up, coupled along with the abandonment issues he has from his mother choosing not to be in his life, have taken their toll on his self esteem as well as his self-worth. This has made him an easy target for bullies, and he is never at a school more than a week before he has a circle of vultures around him doing their best to break down what little bit... more

I was listening to my oldest daughter talk about her siblings. I really didn't pay much attention until I heard her say, "Just get over it."

Those words were like music to my ears. I know my children came from a very difficult back ground but honestly, after living with me for more than 11 years. I too have wanted to say those words. "Just get over it."

In therapy the key is "dealing and healing." Or at least that's my short perspective of it. A place to talk about it, how you felt and how you feel now and how it can be safely dealt with and life can move on.

It made me feel so good to hear my oldest daughter say those words. She has very strong opinions of... more

I have managed to almost completely avoid one of the big issues older parents often face: older grandparents. When making the decision to adopt at forty or fifty or beyond, the thought of grandparental influence on the kids may not be top of the agenda, but sooner or later the topic will come up. Many will ask themselves: Will my child feel the lack and miss out on that special relationship that only a grandparent can provide?

Maybe they will.

My sibs and I got the short end of the grandparent stick, and my parents were young. My mom was... more

When I confronted Beth about her missing math assignments and irresponsibility about turning in homework, she lied to me and concocted an elaborate story. Finally she admitted she had not completed nor turned in the paper. She returned to the dinner table in a combined state of angry and remorseful, but she attempted to deflect her problem by using drama and manufactured tears. I told her that wouldn’t fly, and asked if she would prefer to just go to her room and have a good “fake” cry and be done with it? She left the table and that was pretty much it for the night. I did have her put the sheets on Stephanie’s... more

Rejection is the second core issue. It is human nature for individuals to cope with a loss by personalizing it. Triad members often times try to decipher what they did or didn’t do that led to the loss and become sensitive to the slightest hint of rejection. Therefore, situations are avoided where they might be rejected or to provoke rejection in order to validate their negative self perception.

It took a lot of hard work for me to not view my placement for adoption by my natural mother as anything other than total rejection. The concept of being “chosen” means... more

There are hundreds of books out there, both specific to adoption and those that just fall under the “general parenting” category that will give you advice on what you need to know to be a good parent. Well, I am here to tell you some things that aren’t in the books. Below is a list of skills that you should start developing now if you are just starting your journey to parenthood, and if you are already a parent, some of these should ring true and hopefully make you chuckle.

Multi-tasking- Parents need to be able to multi-task, especially if you have more than one child. An experienced parent can comb a child’s hair, load the dishwasher, let the dog out, mix a pitcher of Kool-Aid and... more

We're now sleepily ensconced at the Wangfujing Hotel, on a street famous enough to have made it into the fine Pimsleur Mandarin 2 language CDs. Wangfujing Dajie is really fun to say becaus the jing and the jie are both high tones.

So, tomorrow, eagerly anticipating a hutong tour, but are otherwise experiencing novelty fatigue.

Here are some observations, in no particular order:

China has changed a lot in the last two years. It's a lot more easy to visit, if that makes sense. More people seem ready to talk to foreigners like us, and there are less men with guns and uniforms just hanging around in public. Last time, shopping became a little stressful... more