How does it feel to be a birth mom? Here is what it feels like for her. Her post dated June 5, 2005, called "ramblings" says:

I never really understood how much adoption would alter the very essence of who I was. It doesn't matter what books you read or who you talk to- there are no words adequate for the inner shift. There is before and after- that is all. Our situation would be considered a model of the best and yet I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It is that jolting. It is that... more

As all mid-Boomers will tell you, the Nineteen-Fifties were special years to be a kid. Not only were our parents so darned happy to be living in a time of peace that they felt compelled to relax and BBQ, money was being spent on schools like never before, cool new stuff was invented every day out of an optimism for future space travel (the first generation with Tang!), and no one knew a thing about global warming.

Barbie and Macdonald's were just appearing on the horizon, but for the most part life was still pretty pre-peace simple early in the decade. (Although not as simple... more

One of the things you have to think about in foster – adopt is an open adoption. With some foster adoptions, you already know the birth parents or some of the birth family. Perhaps you’ve been taking the child to visits with their birth mom – perhaps even for reconciliation or reunification.

If the children are older, they may know where the parents live, or how to reach them. They may have court mandated phone calls.

After adoption, it is up to you how much contact you want to have.

I’ve been reading a bit about open adoptions. There are many schools of thought as to what... more

Well...gang...this is it. Tomorrow I head into what is predicted to be 3-4 full days of court for LuLu's due process hearing. Not really the way I wanted to spend the rest of this week. But it will be nice not to have these proceedings hanging over our heads any longer.

Yesterday was spent organizing and re-organizing my files, calling everyone on the planet to testify, and figuring out what we need to settle, should the school decide to come to their senses today or during the hearing.

In many ways it's been a blessing that this has drug on like it has.... more

In some recent “blog surfing”, which I do once in a while to check out other blogs, see what is making headlines and getting ideas for my own blog, I came across this post on the Chunk O Funk blog. Chunk is a dad that writes about his life (and is not, as I can tell, an adoptive dad).

But he had an experience that reminded me of something that adoptive parents do need to keep in the back of their minds and be prepared for.

Chunk was out in the world with his son, and at the end of a long day, his son had a typical pre-schooler melt down when he dropped a candy out of him mouth and his dad threw it... more

All people experience grief in their lives. However, in adoption there are no standard grieving processes or universal rituals to help the natural mother cope. When there is a death of a friend or family member, there is often times a religious services, a wake, a funeral and visits to the survivors home by friends and family. However, the natural mothers grief is distinct from most other types of grief because it is not socially acceptable to talk about what happened.

Unresolved grief will cause issues in other areas of our lives. It can affect romantic... more

The ADN Conference was (from the perspective of the conference chairperson) a flurry of activity that started out on a high stress note and ended in the blink of an eye.

People tell me that it was incredibly informative, completely relaxing and so much fun. I do remember seeing and feeling some of those things...but can hardly wait until next year when I can still be in on the learning and fun, just not at the center of it.

Seems like all weekend long I ran from room to room with my notepad making "Notes to Self" about things that needed to be done. Now... more

As with all topics of this nature, I am not an expert. In fact, I know very little on this topic other than what I've read. I encourage everyone to consult with their personal physician if you have questions.

In Adoptive Families there was an article on speech development by Karen Gorman that I found interesting. For the most part the parents of Korean adoptees luck out in the speech categories. One of the biggest causes of speech issues in adopted children is living in orphanages and other institutions.... more

Recently I wrote about ways to support a birth mom at reunion. However, if you are an adoptee with a birth mom in reunion, it is not your job to "fix" her. Take care of yourself and let her do the same. I know that you may want to help her, but, it is not your responsibility to heal her. Only she can do that.

She needs to deal with her issues on her own, in a support group and/or with an adoption therapist. Do not feel guilty for having found her - it is a good thing. Even if she struggles in the beginning of reunion, your finding her was the right thing to do. For many... more

The first time I went to Ethiopia I didn't bother to get a phone card. I figured I would be mostly emailing my husband, and if he called me at my hotel, we'd keep the conversations short, and the cost would not be a big deal.

Boy, was I wrong! When I opened up my phone bill a few weeks after I returned home from Ethiopia, I almost fell over. The phone bill was more than $700, a whopping $650 more than usual.

Turns out it is very hard to have a short conversation with your husband when you are on the other side of the world picking up a baby and there are 5 kids at home missing mom.

Also... more