I have talked about the loss in adoption. The natural parents lose their child, the adoptee loses their biological connection and the adoptive parents lose of hope of a biological child. I truly believe it is important to acknowledge and validate these loses in adoption and go through the grief process.

Some triad members deny that they have experienced a loss. I use the analogy of a drug or alcohol addicted person. In the drug addict or the alcoholic, they don’t see that they have a problem. There are triad members that do say that being adopted... more

………So, to continue my discussion of my self imposed rules for accepting a fost-adopt placement, and how I arrived at these rules and my decisions… (and then in later posts, why I might break my own rules)…..

Here is the first post, and here is my argument for rule #1.

To refresh, here are the rules:

1.... more

Way back when I first started writing on this blog I wrote a post about how children perceive adults as basically the same in terms of age. Sure, there are exceptions but generally speaking, it seems like kids with the cognitive capacity to make comparisons lump most grown-ups into two categories: old and really old. While it may seem counterinuitive, we older parents should take heart in this. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to work yourself up into a frenzy trying to convince yourself or your child that you're as "young as you feel." Why? Because no matter how young you feel your child will think that you are old. Heck, no matter how young you actually are, your child will... more

When school began. The little girl was very shy. She did not like staying away from the teachers. Her second grade teacher was a man named Mr. Thomas. It was hard to get to know Mr. Thomas. She would often studder and could not get her words out when she was asked a question by him.

Mr. Thomas kept making phone calls home. The sisters just did not know how to handle this new problem. So they invited Mr. Thomas to come to diner.

At diner they observed how their daughter studdered each time she had to speak around Mr. Thomas. Finally as the evening went on and they began to talk about every day things. Their daughters studdering began to subside. It was... more

My husband, that is, and the idea is adopting baby #3. A girl this time, so I won't be so outnumbered by stinky socks and baseball bats (unless, of course, she wants to wear stinky socks and play baseball, which is a-ok with me).

Now, whenever I mention the idea he simply sighs. He used to vigorously shake his head back and forth and rolling his eyes while mouthing "No." A sigh is a sign that I'm wearing him down. I knew I could do it! He is a pushover when it comes to us girls...which is another reason why I think he needs a... more

I talked to a mom today who has an 11 year old Russian daughter, home for about a year and a half. This mom wanted to scope out additional therapy options for her daughter, as well as ask me some general questions about her daughter’s adjustment.

I have heard some really awful stories in the past ten years, but this child’s story was right up there at the top. I have permission from this mom to share this story anonymously, so here I go…

The adoptive mom was informed that her daughter’s biological mother had died... more

One of the initial tasks in searching is gathering information and documents. It is obvious why some documents are important. However, you may not understand the significance of others. One of the first documents that you are generally instructed to try to obtain is your non-identifying ("non-ID"). It comes from the agency or state in most instances.

There are many clues in the non-identifying information, even though you may not immediately recognize them. For instance, the occupation of the birth parents are often listed in the non-id... more

Maja, my first mom blogging partner, recently wrote about how to choose between open and closed adoption. She made a valid point by saying that she believes we must make the decision based on not what is best for the expectant mother, but what is best for the child.

So often in adoption, we try to separate the two – what is best for the child, and what is best for the mother. In reality, I believe that more often than not, we need to consider the mother and child together, as one entity. I do not believe that their interests are at odds with each other as we sometimes... more

During our adoption, we tried to find any and everything that would take our mind off of the wait. Every little diversion was welcome. Here is a fun little exercise that takes no effort but the outcome usually brings a chuckle. Visit the Adoption Fun section for all sorts of little creative outlets.

I found the Interactive Stories to be pretty funny. It is amazing how you pay more attention to the details of the story... more

Rerun season continues since I'm still in ultra-modern Singapore, while other places still seem a very long way from the civilized world.

Back in June, before the latest hell broke loose in Lebanon, I wrote about an upsetting news report. That blog post was titled, "Mothers Imagine Peace."

A news report today showed the remnants of a Palestinian family after a day at the beach turned to mayhem when they were reported... more