Dear reader,

How are you? I hope life is treating you well.

I'm writing because I'm anxious to hear from you. I feel like all I do is talk, talk, talk and I don't know the darndest thing about what's going on in your life.

So drop me a line. Let me know what's up in your world. Tell me if there's anything in particular you want me to blather on about. Thanks.

Your friend,

Tana

;)

Part 4 in a series

I’m going to focus just on the mental health part right now. So many of the kids that come into foster care have some type of mental health issue. Whether it’s trauma related, a genetic history, or pre-natal drug and alcohol exposure, it’s there.

There are several portions that I find interesting in this part of the report.

In some rare instances, adolescent violence is a symptom of a serious mental disorder, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, these disorders are... more

I feel as if I have been hit by a Mack truck today. I could explain it away as just physical fatigue as I try and catch up from a wild weekend followed by a non-stop past 3 days. Or I could just acknowledge what I think it really is… emotional overload from reading and processing Deborah Hannah’s book.

I spoke with Deborah several times yesterday. We have much, much in common. Except I was surprised and saddened to realize she really, truly did make this walk entirely alone. She never knew of the existence of ADN (although someone somewhere... more

Part 3 in a series

Now that we have addressed how the parents feel who suffer from the abuse, let’s take a look at what is motivating the kids to abuse.

According to the report from the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence, there are many factors. The ones they list are ones that I deal with both personally, and when I’m working with families.

Parental authority- kids naturally resist parents establishing boundaries as well as enforcing those boundaries or rules. The level with which the kids act out, is generally... more

A bizarre reality of adoption is that you are a foster parent to your own baby for several months. Even when the birthparents’ parental rights have terminated and there is nobody else who is seeking custody of the child, the adoptive parents are legally foster parents until the adoption is finalized. For us, this process took 5 months.

In the meantime, I started up a neighborhood “moms group” with several other new mothers and their babies. We swapped stories and ideas and muddled through the first few months of sleep-deprived parenthood... more

The temperature finally dipped to the single digits in the last few days, and I was overcome by a powerful urge to make soup.

I have 51 cookbooks on my shelves at last count, but since I was taking on the job of Russian adoption blogger, I begged one of my sisters for one of hers, Please To The Table. This book is a wonderful compendium of recipes from Russia and the other nations of the former... more

It has been a sad couple of days for me…my Belane has started sleeping in her own bed…alone…happily.

Earlier in the month I wrote a six-part series on sleep and adopted children. Here is what I wrote at the end of the last post about Belane…

She has now been home for just over two months and I think she is doing great. Over the next few weeks I will gradually cut back the time I spend laying with her at night until she is going to sleep like everyone else. When she is sleeping all night without waking up anxiously checking... more

"This pain and feelings will eventually be replaced with a peace of mind and inner strength knowing that her child can experience a life of opportunities because she made the unselfish decision to give her child to an adoptive family."

This statement is a typical piece of adoption marketing designed to convince pregnant women in crisis that adoption will be the solution to all their problems. Many women fall for gushy lines like this, and later realize the fallacy of these kinds of expectations.

Expectations... more

Continued from part 3

If you can’t find someone locally, perhaps you can find someone who can at least help over the telephone. Even though I have 3 local contacts who can help me communicate with Caleb, if I can’t get ahold of one, I also have the cell phone numbers of two people who live out of state who are willing to translate over the phone. It isn’t as good as in person, but it works in a pinch. Often those kinds of contacts come via word of mouth. Others hear you are adopting from another country and may say, “Oh I have a friend in another state who lived there for a few years”... more

“You must be so secure.” “You are so brave.” “Your situation is so unusual.” “I could never do what you’re doing.”

I get these comments all the time when I tell people about our open adoptions, which include regular visits with two sets of birth families.

Interestingly, the comments come only from people who have never met our sons’ birth parents. As soon as they meet them, they say, “Ohhhh. I get it now!”

... more