We all need time for ourselves especially foster moms. We can so easily get caught up with all the responsibility and drama of foster care. It seems like you are getting pulled in every different direction. Every therapist, caseworker, bio parent, child, school personal, doctor and whomever else, telling how to do things their way, what is wrong with how you do things, and then telling you not to listen to other people. Most of the time you can ignore it, let it go but there are times that it gets overwhelming. This happens to us all at some point. Take the time to recharge yourself physically and emotionally. Sometimes it is easier to just keep going than allowing yourself sometime to... more

Right around the holidays last year I had a relative ask me a crazy birthparent related question, “Doesn’t seeing THEM cause a problem?” I do not know what surprised me more, that she asked a question obviously showing she buys into the myth that open adoption equals a big problem, OR that she is also a grandmother of two adopted kids (and should there by be better educated right?). I believe I let her know that seeing our children’s birthfamilies “does not cause us any problem, did it cause her one?”

It’s amazing... more

Remember your prom, how perfect you wanted it to be. Finding the perfect dress was best part of the experience. It is that time of the year for prom dress, corsages, dancing and so much more. A mother in Texas had a number of her daughter’s prom dresses hanging in the closet and decided to find someone that could benefit from them.

There are so many teenage foster girls that will be experiencing their prom this year in the next couple of months. Most of us have at least one if not more prom, homecoming or formal dresses sitting in the back of our closet. Consider contacting your local CPS or other foster care agencies to... more

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When I was in undergrad I went to a Black Student Union meeting and was the only yellow face there. I wrote about it. I call this piece "Black Just Like You". I hope that it depicts how I think we as blacks and Asians need to get past squabbling and get on with talking. We'd be surprised by what we have to say and how we feel. Oppression can do that to you though. It's called hopelessness and frustration. By the way, I love being Asian....

BLACK JUST LIKE YOU

His eyes told me I did not belong- and then his mouth confirmed it. His comments echoed in my mind-... more

I have a treat for all of you today. It's an article and poem written by Jason Minh Alt, who was born in South Vietnam, and fled during Operation Babylift. It was previously printed in the Southern Arizona Families with Children from China newsletter a few years back when I was the newsletter editor.

You may wonder what it has to do with adoption. Like many adoptive parents who have adopted internationally, my children are of a variety of races. I have four biological children who though contain a smidgen (1/8)of Mexican blood, by... more

There is a very interesting thread going on the FRUA list today. A family who hosted an EE child is now hitting roadblocks in making this child a permanent member of the family. This would be this couple’s first child… so they have no frame of reference for parenting at this point. The mom asked… If folks had seen or identified major “red flags” prior to adopting a child who turned out to have serious special needs, would they have proceeded with the adoption anyway? This mom wrote a poignant plea for help in figuring out what... more

It is my understanding that the supporters of Real Daddies feel that the laws should change so that paternity can be contested at any time. In other words, if a DNA test proves they are not the father they believe they should be relieved of support obligations.

I think that it is safe to say that most of us in the adoption community are supporters of truth in adoption and similar issues. Do children benefit if the father is duped by the mother? Is ignorance bliss? Is this a price that has to be paid to keep a family in tact? What happens if the child... more

I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about Quantitative EEGs, a non-invasive way of examining the brain’s ability to function by examining it’s brainwaves. Here’s a more scientific description:

In the last decade or so, a more advanced form of EEG has been developed, called quantitative EEG or qEEG, in which the signal is converted to digital form and compared to a database of individuals without any known neurologically based disorder. In this way, we are able to analyze the background activity... more

As adoptive stepparent we deal with a lot of our own emotions surrounding the child’s absent parent, the child, our relationship with the child, and adoption itself. We also know that our adopted stepchildren deal with their own emotions surrounding the same issues, and that adoption touches their lives as deeply, if not more, than it touches our own. We, as adults, can understand and process more about adoption, where as the children really have limited understanding... more

When you finally welcome a child through adoption like most parents you will experience a huge, almost undescribable surge of pride. Believe me you will want to show and tell the whole world how great your kids are, and who could blame you!

I remember in May, 2003 when my girls Danika and Cierra were 5 ½ years and 10 mons respectively I must have snapped a dozen pictures one day on our front porch, but their wonderful, giggly smiles in one particular photo was so sweet that I mailed it off to Adoptive Families Magazine for a possibility... more