Do not set yourself up for disappointment when you are making contact with your birth family. Do not go in thinking it will be what you have been dreaming about, and it will be blissfully happy. It is best to go thinking that there will be bumps along the road and do not set expectations too high. You may be pleasantly surprised and it may be end up being your dream. It is easier when we do not add the stress of dreams and high expectations in the beginning of the relationships or when contact begins.

There are a lot of birth mothers that gave their children up for adoption for reasons that are clearly way out of their control, or they were just not prepared to care of a child at... more

Grief for adoptees is pretty common or truly part of adoption. With every adoptee, the grief will be totally different, from the reason he or she is grieving to the degree of intensity.

Below are ways to deal with grief that as an adoptee you might be feeling:

1. Allow yourself to grieve without feeling guilt. Some people do not understand that an adoptee may feel grief even if he or she had a wonderful happy life through adoption. Even if an adoptee chooses not to deal with his or her grief, it does not mean it will go away. The grief will remain tucked away and will stay with you until you allow yourself to go through it.

2. Talking about your feelings can... more

The thought of meeting your birth mother or father can bring up so many different emotions for you deal with. You can be nervous that the visit will not be what you want, that you may say the wrong thing or that you will not be the child that your birth mother or father had pictured in their mind. You can be happy to meet the person that gave you life, and you are developing a relationship with your birth mother or father. You can be scared that your birth mother or father will not be the person that you think they are or want them to be, there will be no lasting connection or they will want more than you can give. You may feel totally different emotions at any given time or all of them... more

My first night in Haiti with Micheline, I was awakened at 1 a.m. by very loud screaming. My little four year old lying in bed next to me appeared to be awake and absolutely terrified about something as she thrashed around in the bed very agitated. The problem was, she wasn't awake. She was actually asleep, but in the midst of a night terror.

If you have never experienced a night terror with your child, it can be a very frightening experience. Your child's eyes are usually wide open, she may be sweating and have a racing heart, have a panicked... more

One of the things that all families should do from time to time is have a family field trip. While long vacations are lovely, they are expensive and few and far between. I think all families can find at least one day a year when everyone is available to do a day trip, taking advantage of local museums, theaters, concerts etc. that are often overlooked. Here are some ideas:

-- Look for something that appeals to everyone in some way. That doesn't mean it needs to be everyone's favorite activity.

-- Check your local paper. Many newspapers have a weekend section, datebook, or some sort of listing of events locally. Many are free and open to the public. Don't forget to check out... more

Have you been asked this about your children: “Where are they from?” Or has your child been asked the question?

Is this one of “those questions” that adoptive parents dread? Or is it, instead, a question that is welcomed?

Like with everything else, it probably depends on the person, family and situation. Here’s a situation I experienced today:

At the grocery store, a girl passed by with a t-shirt read “Bad is the new good”. Three teen daughters, all in the states now for less than two years tried to figure out what that... more

I came across this essay written by a very special young man who lives with his family in Canada. I emailed his mother to get permission to post it, as I thought that my readers would be as impressed as me by the intelligence, insight and courage Tristan reveals in this remarkable essay.

Photo: The girls in Tristan's life: grandmother, mothers, sisters, aunt and cousin, July 2004

HAVING TWO FAMILIES Tristan Andrés Guibault 2005 Hi ... my name is Tristan and I am 11 years old. I was adopted from Medellin,... more

Today a burden was lifted from our hearts.

Today we received a great gift.

I've heard rumors for awhile that the Ethiopian government might be getting more restrictive about large families adopting. We've been hoping our adoption would work out despite those rumors. But in the back of our minds we've been wondering if Ethiopia might not be an option for our family any more.

Today we got an email from our agency director letting us know that Ethiopia will be letting us adopt again. Furthermore, our girls are on tentative hold for us!

Yes, it's a girl.

Times two.

I know-- back... more

When children come into foster care, many times siblings will be separated for any number of reasons. This can be a very hard thing for children to deal with, since they are already losing the connection to everything that they know. It is very important for the siblings to feel connected and remain in contact with each other. Foster parents are the key to helping their child maintain this bond.

Below are ways to help your foster child with his or her sibling relationships.

Providing a sibling visit at least once a month is the foundation of continuing their relationship. Do not have it at the same place each time. A local park, museums (some can even be free of charge),... more

A recent study by the University of Columbia found that 85% of parents believe that it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. The popular wisdom goes that the more you praise a child, the more self-confident and happy he will be. No one wants their kids to think they’re dumb.

And so we praise kids for the smallest hint of a talent at anything. But does this tactic really make for more confident children? Does it really encourage kids to maximize their potential? As it turns out, no. Some of the most highly intelligent kids are bafflingly lacking in confidence, so much so that they will only try things that they are completely confident that they will be able to do well.

Studies... more