Differences as Adoptee and Adoptive Mom with Conversations

As an adoptee, the second area is how I tend to be. Why? Maybe it was something to do with the society’s view towards adoptees: Something has to be wrong with them for their own mother not to want or love them. With adoption will come a whole host of mental problems facing the adoptees. Adoptees tend to be messed up people. Etc. The truth is that you cannot have a conversation with someone that looks... more

While reading Jenna’s blog; Handling Uncomfortable Conversations, it got me to thinking as an adoptee and adoptive mother. While I was commenting on her blog I was thinking of conversations I have from two very different viewpoints. I found myself realizing that I am very different when handling the conversations that tend to put adoption and triad members in a negative light very differently.

One area I am blunt, take nothing, put you in your place without... more

My middle child, who has several behavioral issues which seem to be exacerbated by her birthfamily’s current inconsistent presence in her life, has yet another difficulty to face off I am finding. Last week we received an invite to her biological little brother’s first birthday in August. A cute little picture of him was included, and my daughter’s only response was to ask, “who is that baby mom?” She already has forgotten who her littlest brother is, and it just flat out makes me angry that this has even happened.

For the whole first... more

At roughly 9:45 CDT this morning, a judge signed the adoption decree, officially making what was a family of three a family of five! On hand, in addition to those necessary for the matter to be heard, were my mother’s sister and brother, and their spouses.

Afterward, we celebrated with our attorney, social worker and the kids’ foster mother. We went straight from that celebration to another given in our honor by the Christian adoption agency that handled the adoption. Though the spellings are a little wonky, I had to share this picture... more

I will be addressing statements (below is the first one) that have been left in comments on a few of my blogs.

"foster parent" goodie, two-shoe roles as the "resucer", the "if it wasn't for me", or "I saved you from the abuse of your parent(s)", attention seeking, control needing, "look at me", requiring people in this sad world

It's all about "ME", meaning, the person, that gets what he/she wants. In this case, becoming, "recusers", for poor little amy or john. You all are just as selfish as a parent that do not get their... more

As this blog drips into the system I will already be at the Elms Resort, welcoming our pre-conference speakers and attendees and ATN board members as our second annual conference kicks off. Yesterday my phones were ringing like crazy as I managed home issues, conference issues, and “regular” ATN issues. I have families in crisis all over the place, with kids blowing out of placements and families searching for answers. One mom wrote on a bulletin board recently that she was “tired of feeling all alone.”... more

I will be addressing statements (below is the first one) that have been left in comments on a few of my blogs.

“Always know some parent(s) want their children, at birth, and before and after being kidnapped by the state for their "power seeking, memorable souls".”

Foster children are not removed from their biological parents on a whim. Caseworkers are not driving around trolling the streets looking for children to place into foster care to keep their job and to fill up foster homes. Complaints are made by anyone... more

We actually found time to take in a movie yesterday! And being the theatre-minded family we are, Hairspray was the chose for some of us, The Simpson Movie was the high-brow choice of others.

I thoroughly enjoyed Hairspray, having been subjected to the soundtrack for the last several weeks by our own resident drama queen, Kay.

What I didn’t know completely, was the plot. And how much the point of the... more

A friend of mine is in the process of buying a house in town. I think she's in the middle of attorney review or just out of that stage. The other day I was on the phone with her and she made a comment about "the house we are not supposed to talk about." Now, I'm a homeowner myself. I think we may not have spread the word around before we were well into the process simply because - well - we were selfish and didn't want our friends to become our competitors in bidding on the house.

But it is unclear - at what point during the period leading up to a major life event does it become appropriate to discuss the specifics or make your news public? So how do you know when is the... more

Fearing that it sounds too egotistical to keep referring to myself as a leader, my explanation involves the fact that I’m merely trying to land this moniker on all of us mothers who are struggling with our children and their unique sets of circumstances.

I have heroes and mentors that I quote often but that’s because I read them often, attempting to pump myself back up after each round here. Lee Iacocca describes leaders as “taking their knocks, learning and moving forward; not just survivors but fighters.”

He... more