Prospective Adoptive Parents (PAPs) who are new to the adoption world can find our terminology overwhelming and confusing. In an effort to alleviate some of those feelings, I’m posting different glossaries that define terms commonly used in Viet Nam adoptions. If there are any terms of acronyms that you just can’t figure out, please let me know and I’ll do my best to find out for you. You can always comment below or email me at rebeccah@adoptionblogs.com

DOJ – the Department of Justice in your child’s province will examine your... more

When one adopts older children, one takes on their sad past. There’s no way around it. Children come with memories, good and bad, real or imagined, usually projected into impossibilities; fantasies if you will, devoid of facts that were documented, scars that are visible, and diagnoses that clearly exist. You can’t have a dozen well-trained doctors say one thing, yet have one uneducated person say another that flies in the face of facts.

I remember my three Honduran daughters describing their imaginary life before they joined our family. In a moment in which... more

One of my new daughters has recently begun constantly begging for cookies. I can say no-- or even yes. But 15 minutes later she is begging again, all with big puppy eyes. I asked my husband why he thought she'd begun doing this-- she didn't do it when she first got home.

"Oh, she's just trying to yank your chain", he said. As soon as he said it, I knew he was right. She knows I want her to eat healthy food. So she's decided that constantly begging for junk is a good way to tease me. Of course she also has a big sweet tooth. But the frequency with which she asks borders on obsession.

For... more

I sat Dora in my lap this morning before she headed to the bus and read her Bipette’s comments and questions about how to handle her “unofficial” teen-aged foster son. Together I talked through my thoughts with Dora … and now I’ll share them with you …

Here are the significant quotes from Bipette’s comment, addressing her foster son’s complaints that Bipette’s husband was OK but Bipette was a problem:

She was in his business too much and helping... more

Every foster child will deal with abuse in very different ways. Abuse overshadows so much of a child’s life that some adults probably do not realize. As adults we struggle to wrap our minds around the abuse that a child has spent his entire life living with. These children learn early that adults in their lives have the power to hurt them and do unspeakable things to them (sometimes in the name of love).

These children lose so much of their innocence, being able to trust the people that are suppose to protect them. In some cases, nighttime is not for dreams; it is when the... more

Pat has been Sammy’s foster mom for the past seven months. She has been a gem to work with. We have not had any conflicts and have been in agreement with how to handle Sammy on every occasion.

Pat has been dealing with special needs and foster kids for over thirty five years. She started out as a social worker, then became a supervisor, then worked in a group home, and now is doing treatment foster care.

She has seen the progression of issues in kids. At one point when we were talking she said that the worst kid on her caseload thirty years ago wouldn’t... more

Our family has a sponsored child living in Ethiopia through the World Vision program. An eight-year-old petite girl named Anyme. As with all large agencies, I am sure that they have their negative attributes. However, we can see that our sponsored daughter is receiving an education and needed supplies that she otherwise would not have. A recent photo of her and her father included the family’s prized bull.

... more

With Rebecca, Erin and Mary all writing recently about adoption travel, this story out of the UK on "The 25 Most Bizarre Travel Insurance Claims Ever" seemed appropriate blog fodder for the day.

Anyone who has traveled far or often or both... more

Spanking is one of the most controversial areas of discipline, and the controversy only heightens when you throw adoption into the mix. I know a man who adopted an older child whose birth parents had routinely beaten the child and his siblings. This adoptive father had to find alternative ways to curb the child's behavior. He pointed out that when a child has endured numerous beatings, a swat on the behind is not going to make a difference in his behavior.

While what this adoptive father said is true, I see the real damage coming from the flashbacks that a... more

This post is part of a series on older child adoption in which I am applying things I learned from adopting a retired racing greyhound to hoping to adopt an older child. While there are obviously many differences, I learned a lot that can be useful in adopting an older child.

As I mentioned in my last post, the greyhound rescue strongly encouraged us to keep the dog on a leash for the first... more