Foster Parents Dealing With Children Living in Limbo

These children are not concerned about therapy, counseling, or dealing with what is happening because in their mind foster care is just a short stay until they go back home. When children spend weeks then months believing any day they are going to walk out the foster home door to return home this does not benefit them to move forward in their life. The caseworkers make it sound like all the parents have to do is work their plan and the children return but the truth is most parents do not want to work the plan. At every visit, some... more

Two years ago the International Foster Care Organization (IFCO) held its conference in Madison, WI. Nancy and I attended the conference and we exhibited there as well. It was great to be able to hear some of the speakers, and to talk with other foster parents from around the world. Did you know the United States is the only country that says foster PARENTS? All the other countries say you are a foster CARER. I’m not sure which one is better, but it sure is interesting.

One of the most amazing exhibits was one that I was proud... more

I do realize that it has come down to a battle of our wills. My newly adopted daughter’s strong will verses my own strong and stubborn will. The battle has commenced and we are taking bets on the outcome. My newest adopted daughter has her work cut out for her. I haven’t survived parenting a hundred special needs children over the past 14 years because of fancy techniques or good looks. Nope, it has been by sheer will, determination, and a never say die attitude that got us through the really tuff times.

I tried doing things the easy way. I implored her to follow the... more

Maybe it is because I homeschool my children, they feel they can share intimate thoughts with me. Maybe it is because I am mostly a stay at home mom and spend all day, every day with my children. Perhaps it is because I sometimes share information with them, especially the teenagers that they don’t think I should share. I don’t know the exact reason why my children share very personal information with me, but they do. I would have never had these conversations with my parents even when I was a teenager. My children would not have these conversations with Super Dad and they get embarrassed... more

One issue with which many hopeful adoptive parents wrestle is whether it is okay to turn down a referral of a child or a match with an expecting mother. The short answer is yes – It is always okay to turn down a referral if you do not feel comfortable moving forward with the match. In fact, I believe it is unethical and unwise to accept a referral if you have serious reservations about the match. No one is well served if you cannot embrace the child as your own.

Many hopeful adoptive couples feel guilty about turning down a referral or a match. The adoption... more

My six-year-old son had several questions about his birthmother over the summer, and he still continues to pepper me with questions about her, usually when I least expect it. However, he has never raised the topic of a birthfather. I guess I should not be too surprised because, at six, he has not had many questions about where babies come from. I guess he figures that they come from birthmothers!

I am not even sure that he realizes that a birthfather had to be involved to create him. When asked how babies get into a woman's body, I have told him that a married... more

Who's Adoption Story is it to Tell?

I was talking to my sister who is also adopted about her feelings concerning others sharing her adoption journey and information. I was quite surprised when she told me that she was a little shocked that I have been so open, honest and shared so many details about my adoption journey and that of my children.

When I took this writing “gig”, I wanted to be as open as I could about being an adoptee and the challenges, issues and heartache that... more

Since most of us are in the shopping mood these days, I thought I'd toss out another book for you to consider as you shop. This one is called Forever Fingerprints and is written by Sherrie Eldridge. It was published this fall by EMK Press.

This children's story uses a relative’s pregnancy as a springboard for discussions on birthparents and adoption. I could relate to this, since some of my best adoption-related discussions with my kids have come in talk about an aunt's pregnancy.

I found the... more

Boundaries in adoption can sometimes be very hazy. What part of the adoption information and details belongs to whom? It is common for adoptees to go through times that they do not want to share their adoption journey and some adoptees do not feel comfortable sharing it at all.

I remember when I was in my late teens (18 or 19ish) we were at church function, a person that was visiting came up out the clear blue sky and asked about me being adopted. I was surprised to say the least and quickly learned that my mother had told her. I was thrown for a loop for a couple of... more

I can’t begin to comment on Nancy’s blog about our phone conversation, except to say that Nancy is one of the few people (Super Dad and my business partner are the other ones) with whom I’ll have a conversation when LuLu is in the middle of a rough patch. The rest of you get my voice mail!

But I do think I need to add, for the record, the glimpses of the cool kid I see underneath all this mess of diagnoses. It is the knowledge that the cool kid is in there that keeps this boat of near insanity... more