My friend Indy, over on the Adoption.com forums posted a wonderful question. Have you ever wondered “What if?”

Oh boy, have I ever played the “What if?” game. I look back at Sammy’s early life and how differently we parented then. I look at how much we didn’t know and things we did that I would now advise parents not to do.

What if I had stayed home with Sammy like I did with Hannah? What if I had known about attachment disorder from the very beginning? What if we had started therapy right away? What if... more

Do you make a New Year’s Resolution or goal for the New Year? Sometimes in the past I have made resolutions for the New Year, but like many people I feel they can be a tad bit intimidating at times. Many people feel that by starting resolutions at the beginning of the New Year, you have a fresh start or a clean slate, so to speak. Which is true, but it can also be very overwhelming for some to try and suddenly make a big change in your life just as one year fades out and another one... more

I started to write this blog a few days ago to tell you how fortunate we are to have a circle of friends who are nearly like family to us. We’ve been going to church with these people for over 10 years, and they are dear enough to us that we see them usually twice a week, and share all kinds of life events. (One even went with me to help admit LuLu to the psych hospital this fall, since Super Dad was out of town.) I’m not sure how we would survive being several hundreds of miles away from all family members if we didn’t have friends who were close enough to take... more

Today LuLu is hanging out with her big sisters. I’m not exactly sure how this happened. But it’s a welcomed event. Our eldest invited Kay to breakfast at their favorite bagel shop this morning and LuLu asked if she could tag along. Usually the answer is “no”, but for whatever reason…today it was “yes”. LuLu was so excited that she was up at the crack of dawn getting ready and then being impatient for a couple of hours.

The breakfast was over and the girls back quickly. My heart leapt for a moment, thinking there’d been an “incident” at the restaurant, but they... more

Mary Owlhaven has it right…and was gutsy enough to say so in today’s blog: Adopted babies and working moms. Mary used the term “working mom”, which may cause part of the stir, because yes a dad can be a primary caregiver.

The point, however, is that children need to attach to a primary caregiver (one) first. The health of that attachment to the primary caregiver determines the child’s overall emotional development and health and sets the tone for all relationships to follow. When... more

In October, I wrote about an expectant mother in the UK who was fighting with Social Services to keep her unborn child. Due to a past history of self-harm and an eating disorder, they were planning to take her child from her shortly after birth. As we learned in the comments, the mental health issues were a result of physical and sexual abuse and, according to her... more

Recently I blogged about the Dutch diplomat and how he and his wife are placing their adopted daughter back into the care of social services. A reader commented about “parenting in a fishbowl” and how difficult it was to raise these children in relative anonymity, much less with the whole world watching. I remember a family that contacted me years ago—a pastor of a small town church, his wife and their three sons. The oldest was a “healthy white infant placement” and... more

Russia's population continued to fall in 2007, but the decline was slightly less than the drop in 2006. According to the RIA Novosti news agency, Russia's population had fallen by 207,600 to 142 million as of November 1. Citing the government's statistical service, it said that there had been an 87.9% jump in immigration to Russia, with most of the newcomers coming from former Soviet republics. Russian President Vladimir Putin has been working to improve Russia's demographics with measures like increased maternity... more

I continue to be shocked that we are just days away from the end of this year. For our family, it has gone by in a blur. At the same time, there has been a blur of activity here on the birth/first parent blog. Some things have been good. Some things have been "not-so-good," depending on your viewpoint. Some things have been controversial. Responses have varied to the many subjects and issues that we, as birth parents, face and thus talk about on this blog.

Today we're going to highlight five of the "good" topics.

1. In October, whilst hugely pregnant,... more

I have already written about the I600A and I600 steps in the immigration process for an international adoption, and now I am going to write about a few other forms that can be required to obtain a visa for an internationally adopted child.

If your child is entering the United States on an IR4 visa, meaning that the adoption is either not final in the child's country, or that the adoption is final but both parents did not personally meet the child prior to... more