A challenging time in fostering children is during the transition home period. Usually, if the children have been in foster care for at least quite a few months, then extended visitation usually precedes the return home. The children will begin by spending a night or two over the weekend with their parents. The foster parent still has the major portion of responsibility for the children. If the children are in school, then the foster parent will continue to make sure they attend and do their homework. Foster parents will continue to make appointments for the children and take them... more

I have been babysitting my grandchildren while their parents work during the day for the last few weeks. They are currently one and two years old. They are the children of my oldest daughter, now 25. She came to us as a 13 year old with her younger sibling and joined our forever family by the miracle of adoption at 15. My youngest daughter by the miracle of adoption is one year old and falls right in between the ages of my two granddaughters. The three little girls have always loved each other, but lately they have been becoming best friends.

In the morning when they first... more

I want to talk about the disruption process, but about the emotional process rather than the legal process.

Let’s start with the term disruption. Legally it means that a placement is terminated before an adoption is finalized. A placement terminated after the adoption is finalized is called a dissolution, but disruption is commonly used in both circumstances. In fact, I rarely hear anyone use the term dissolution.

Whether the placement is terminated before or after adoption does not make the decision process any less painful. Our family has never... more

For many of us, Mother’s Day is not the day we had dreamed of when we started out our parenting journey. We don’t have children rushing to us with hugs and fists full of flowers. We aren’t greeted with “I love you” or children wanting to make the day perfect for us.

Many of my days started with my son throwing a huge fit, possibly literally throwing things, cursing at me and other equally fun things. At some point in my parenting journey, I stopped making the day about making my kids feel good about having me for a mom, and instead I celebrate making... more

Whether you are celebrating Birthmother's Day, Mother's Day or both, it's likely to be a weekend with some mixed emotions. While you may have to run here and there to celebrate with your own parents, your own children or a group of friends or other birth mothers, the important thing to remember is to do something to take care of yourself.

Here's a list of things that you can do this weekend.

1. If you're attending a religious ceremony this weekend, stand up when they ask the mothers in attendance to stand. Ignore the eyes on you, especially if you... more

Hot on the heels of the horrible stories out of Wisconsin, I heard a story on the news tonight about a brand new baby found in a dumpster in St. Louis, Missouri.

It seems that a mother dumped her brand new, as in only hours old, into a dumpster. A woman who is believed to be the mother of the baby boy has been found.

The baby was found purely by the grace of God. A man was throwing some lawn clippings into the dumpster when he heard a sound, not knowing that it was a baby.... more

“Who is your favorite kid, Mom?” “Am I your favorite?” “He is your favorite, that’s why you let him have one of your sodas, right?” “Why do you like my brother best?” “You like the girls better than the boys, don’t you?” “The baby is your favorite isn’t she?” Which version of this question have you heard? If you are parenting several children from various backgrounds then you have probably heard them all, just as I have. For a few years, I tried to argue. I tried to tell the questioning child that I loved them all equally. Eventually, after years of being worn down, I just started... more

Usually a foster care caseworker is assigned to a new case within two to four weeks of a child or children entering the foster care system. Siblings entering foster care would normally have the same foster care caseworker. By the time a caseworker is assigned to the case, the children have already been in a foster care home for two to four weeks. Hopefully, it is the same home that child protective services (CPS) placed them in the day they were removed, but it isn’t always. Since the children are settling into their new home, the worker doesn’t usually... more

There are three news stories coming out of Wisconsin today that have me angry and sickened.

I have heard all of these stories in the last twelve hours and it makes me wonder about society.

The first story is the most disturbing. A three and a half month old girl was checked into the hospital yesterday and during an exam the doctors discovered two skull fractures. They called the police and social services and the baby’s father was arrested.

Child abuse of any kind is horrible, but child abuse of an infant just really angers me. What is it that... more

Yesterday I shared a little bit about Birthmother's Day. (Visit that post for the brief history of the day.) I also talked about the pros of the day. Two commenters shared their reasons for choosing, at various points in their healing process, to celebrate on that particular day. They had some great perspective for first mothers who are trying to make a decision on which day feels right.

Today,... more