Here’s the scenario – Your case worker has presented you with the profile of a child available for adoption. You read the profile and fall in love with the child. One look at the photo and you are head over heels and think this child is meant to be in your home. I know the feeling. I went through it with Sammy.

When I read Sammy’s profile I thought, and yes, this was my actual thought, “This is a ‘normal’ kid just kicked up a few notches.” I couldn’t have been more wrong, but we wanted a child so badly that we eagerly agreed that he was the child for us, and... more

An expectant mother recently posted on the forums. She's considering relinquishment. Someone advised her to talk to "middle aged" "birth mothers" as they will have the best advice regarding placement.

I kind of have a problem with that advice.

Not that I don't love my "middle aged" "birth mother" friends. In fact, I've learned a lot from them about various issues connected to adoption. Beyond that, they've taught me a lot about healing, personal responsibility... more

When you have a child with special needs who attends public school, you usually negotiate an IEP for your student with the school. The IEP, Individual Education Plan, outlines the special services your child will receive during the school year. For example, some children go to another class for reading, math, and spelling. Some children receive speech therapy, occupational therapy, or physical therapy during the school day. Some children even have a one-on-one aid who goes through the school day helping a single student. There are children who have so much difficulty... more

In my last blog I talked about how we can take things personally that aren’t about us at all. In this blog, I’m swinging the other direction. What about when you don’t feel “warm and fuzzy?”

There are kids that you never feel a “warm and fuzzy” connection with. Is it OK to feel that, or not feel it? Absolutely. Some kids can function much better in a home where they are not required to have a relationship where they give hugs and kisses to their parents or other family members. I’m not that... more

While some birth parents end up marrying one another, others part on less than amicable terms. Even those who have manage to have a civilized phone conversation on their shared child's birthday may be shocked if they run into their child's other biological parent in an unexpected place. Shopping for groceries. Church. A city where neither of you live and both happen to be visiting. The list goes on.

It happens. Paths cross. What can you do to prepare for such a chance meeting? And are there places which you should be more prepared than others?

1.... more

This is a blog about foster care, adoption, and adopting from foster care, so why am I talking about the things with the fuzzy ends that you use to clean your ears?

QTIP is an acronym for something that we need to remember, but is so easy to forget. It stands for:

Quit Taking It Personally

This is something that is so hard, and that it takes years to master, and something you can never totally do. Our kids have a special talent for finding the things that we are most sensitive to, and nailing us with it at our worst time.

Right... more

A birth mother on the forums was just blindsided by her daughter's adoptive parents. Without reason or prior warning, the visits that she had previously had are no longer going to happen. On top of that, it took three months of silence for her to be informed of this fact. Three months of wondering and waiting only to receive such shocking news.

And her question: Why?

I think it would be the question of any birth... more

Have you given any thought as to who you would like to be in the delivery room with you when you give birth? As your due date draws near this is something that you will want to give some thought to.

If you are still involved with your baby’s father, have a boyfriend or spouse, then they are an obvious choice. If you are still friendly with your child’s father but not “together” then you may still wish to ask him to be in the delivery room with you since this is his child too, but also don’t do anything or ask anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable.

If... more

I spent a very emotional morning at the courthouse this morning for a hearing on child support.

Many people are not aware that if your adopted child goes into residential care, you can be assessed child support to help pay for your child’s care.

Sammy has been in out of home care for two and a half years now. We have been through this a couple of times now because of the length of time he’s been out of the home. The center he is in now is significantly more expensive than the others, and since everyone is hurting financially, that financial hurt gets passed... more

I've spent two weeks now covering the pros and cons of blogging as a birth parent. I've told my own positive and negative stories. And now I'm here offering birth parents a challenge (as I'm all about challenges!): start a blog! You heard me right: BLOG!

Trust me when I say that there are many more positive points than I was able to cover in five days when it comes to blogging as... more