The internet is a great way for friends and family to share pictures back and forth without the hassle of postage and money for gas on the way to the Post Office. The immediate gratification of uploading and posting a picture has people, world wide, sharing things that would otherwise take a lot of time or simply not be possible. Of course, there are those who want to abuse the fact that people are willing to upload and post pictures. This presents a unique dilemma for birth parents.

Perhaps you are a birth parent involved in an open adoption. Perhaps you... more

We spent a large part of the 4th of July weekend with my friend, Elaine, and her family. I have blogged about them before.

Elaine has a large family. There are eight adopted children, two biological children, and a couple of grandchildren along with mom and dad. I love spending time with this family because they are so much fun and a happy family.

Friday night we decided to have an impromptu party and Elaine and her family joined us for a cookout. This... more

The status quo for many adoptive families is to adopt children younger than the children currently in the family. How many times have you heard the advice, “Don’t disrupt the pecking order?” There are many who feel strongly about never changing the pecking order. It might have negative psychological consequences on the current children. Or, maybe you have heard that older children will negatively influence your current children. Some people are afraid that older children may harm their younger children. Should families only adopt younger children?

Our family has... more

If you are trying to adopt a newborn then you create a profile of your family. The purpose is to sell your family as the best choice to a potential birthmother. If you are adopting from foster care then you are trying to sell your family to an adoption worker. When you inquire on an available child over the internet, a form pops up and you must fill in information about your family. The worker may only read the first few lines before deciding to finish reading or toss the application in the circular file. Is there anything you can do to increase... more

One of the few sessions at the ATN conference that I was able to attend was given by Joe Lyons and Suzanne Allen of the Attachment Institute of New England (AINE). AINE is a fantastic group of four therapists who work together as teams. They really understand the kids and the parents that they work with. Joe and Suzy’s presentation talked about shame, which is a component that we often don’t think about with our kids. We have worked with various therapists, psychiatrists, counselors... more

Ok, Super Dad has tried to tell me over the years. But, I did not want to listen. Why didn’t I want to listen or believe him? I suppose that would be admitting that our daughter is not going to get better. During her first year of living with us therapist, teachers, and foster care workers all praised her progress. Then she turned five and continued to make progress that surprised many. By the time she was six, I believed that her original delays were from lack of early stimulation. Yes, we could fix her and that year we adopted her.

She had always taken... more

One of the most maddening things about our kids is their ability or desire to sabotage what should be a fun event for themselves or the whole family.

Parents will plan a wonderful event such as a night out for the family, a party, or a special treat for the child, only to have the child increase the negative behaviors right before the event to put the family in a bad mood, or guarantee that the event will be cancelled or the child not attend.

This behavior can become less maddening once you understand the thought process behind it. Our children have lived... more

Yesterday, I wrote about our dilemma in choosing a birthday present for our son who will be 10 tomorrow. What did we decide?

After I posted my blog entry yesterday, the hubby read it. It convicted him, just as it convicted me in writing it. So, we decided to let things ride. Our local toy store had a huge clearance sale last week, and had hubby stocked up on a few things to hand out as rewards. Turns out he had quite a cache that will make for an exciting birthday for someone tomorrow!

He... more

Children who come home to their forever family at an age older than a newborn are at increased risk for attachment disorders. These children have at least lived with their birth parents, foster family, orphanage, or multiple placements. Broken attachments cause trauma in children. Trauma can lead to attachment issues. If you place a child with attachment issues into a family with two working parents, you risk increasing their trauma. These children are already struggling with abandonment issues. What goes through their little heads each day when they are... more

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly (John 10:10)

I grew up living in public housing most of my pre-married life. I was always well fed, well clothed and had neat toys, same as the next kid. The only time I felt any “lack” was when I visited the homes of the kids I went to school with in the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) program back in the 70’s. Because GATE was “experimental,” the classes were usually offered in schools located in affluent neighborhoods,... more