Sucking the air outI would like to address a comment made on a blog that I wrote on July 2, 2008 entitled “Place Older Adopted Children With Stay at Home Parent.” In that blog, I stated that older adopted children typically come to their new family with abandonment issues. I realize there are many other issues involved, but I am addressing just abandonment for now. In the summary of the article I stated, “Try to find a way to spend those first... more

Yesterday I helped to transition our respite “daughter” into a new home that may have the chance of being a permanent placement for her. I had intended to have this young woman until the end of summer, but a joint decision was made to move her to my friend, Elaine’s house, where she may stay and where they can determine if she is a good fit in their home.

We spent the morning at the zoo. When we returned home we sat down with Dana and some of Elaine’s kids and went through the Smith family rules. Elaine had e-mailed me the list of rules before hand and I... more

Do you ever remember a child saying, “Too many people love me?” Have you ever heard an epitaph that read, “Too many people loved me during my life?” Did you ever hear, “I spent too much time with people I loved?” Of course not, what a wonderful thing it is to know there are people who love you and care about you. Knowing there is someone you can call in any crisis gives you a sense of inner security. Children in foster care usually live with broken attachments. In their world, people come and then go, never to be seen again. It must be confusing to hear... more

When dealing with kids from foster care, we primarily deal with two types of kids, and there are a few that fall somewhere in between. We affectionately refer to the two types of kids as pinballs and flatliners. They are both very distinct personalities and each comes with their own challenges.

Pinballs are the kids I am most familiar with. These are the kids whose emotions and behaviors bounce all over the place, hence the name pinball. With these kids you may be dealing with fun one day, explosive rages the next day, and deep depression another day. In some... more

Hand, foot, and mouth disease (HFMD) usually affects infants and children under 10 years old. It is a viral illness that is considered moderately contagious and last for 7 to 10 days. Like most viral illnesses, there is not a specific cure, nor is there a vaccine to prevent infection. The number of cases has been growing in parts of Asia since March of 2008. In China, the number of cases seemed to peak in May at 176,000 confirmed cases of HFMD. In June, China reported less than 4,000 cases a day. Hong Kong had only report 100 cases as of July 2. Taiwan confirmed... more

Our daughter came to live with us just weeks before her fourth birthday. After nine months of doctors’ appointments and evaluations, her previous foster family finally called it quits. They did not feel competent to deal with her special needs nor a mentally retarded child. They adopted her two younger sisters a couple of years later. We had provided respite a couple of times so we already knew her. We knew she was cute and sweet albeit a bit on the wild side, but so are most of our children. Originally thought to have an IQ in the mildly retarded range it has continued... more

One of the criticisms I’ve heard within the adoptive parent portion of the triad, is that open adoptions are “confusing” to the child somehow. For example:

* Having two mommies and/or two daddies * Along with the above, which is the “real” parent? * Birth parents will want to “co-parent” and thus “diminish” the authority of the adoptive parent

We have an open adoption. We routinely send pictures to our children’s birth family. We talk to them on the phone. We mark special occasions with cards, presents, and/or calls. We send... more

I have been a respite provider for a few years now. I have had an interesting variety of children come through my home, and for the most part, I have enjoyed doing this. There is only one time that I have returned a child, and that was purely because I sensed potential harm to Hannah.

On the plus side of being a respite provider, you get meet some very wonderful families and some really interesting kids. Some kids have made changes after leaving, and others have remained stuck in their negative patterns, but all have impacted me in some way.

If I hadn’t... more

Recently when I was feeling down about being a birthmother and missing Charlie, a friend who does not have a personal connection to adoption said something like, “Really? You are still upset about that? I thought you’d be over it by now. Don’t you think it is time to move on.”

Yes, I was both hurt and angered by this comment. This is someone who I thought was starting to “get it.” I thought she’d seen enough through my eyes that she was beginning to have a true glimpse as to the emotions of the heart of a birthmother. Since she recently had a child of her... more

I couldn't sleep on Saturday night. I was nervous for the following morning as I was singing a song in church. (It didn't go well. No, I don't want to talk about it.) As insomnia usually goes, I was flipping through the channels. Well, folks, Steel Magnolias was on and, let me tell you, it's an old favorite of mine. However, I hadn't watched in years and years. Not since my mid-college days when we would sit and sob over the movie. I hadn't watched it since becoming pregnant with the Munchkin, relinquishing her for adoption, getting married and having two children... more