My private life and my “business” life intersect on a regular basis. I’m a foster/adoptive parent, and I can’t turn that off when I walk out my door. It’s the same for every parent.

We were at a wedding this past weekend. Our former pastors did the ceremony and it was so great to see them again. They know what I do for a living and have been incredibly supportive of our family. A few years ago, one of their family members adopted two little boys from Russia. We have talked about the boys and how they are doing a number of times. Recently the topic of attachment... more

I was watching an adoption discussion on a private blog recently. A person untouched by adoption didn't understand the long list of terms that birth parents use, often interchangeably, for the process of relinquishing a child for adoption. He didn't understand why some people take offense at some (but not all) and why others aren't bothered one way or the other. When challenged to look at it a little deeper, he did gain some understanding. I hope you do as well.

His main issue was with the phrase "lost to adoption." In fact, I don't often use this myself... more

This week's Post Secret made me nod my head a few times. While no post came out and specifically talked about adoption, one really struck a chord with me in relation to all of my children. It read:

You made me someone I'm proud to be, stretchmarks and all.

This resonates with me on so many levels. When I was pregnant with the Munchkin, my first, I was blessed to not have stretchmarks. For thirty-seven weeks. And then they came, fast and furious. And I delivered at thirty-eight weeks, three days! I was bummed at first. I thought I was going... more

Many newly licensed foster or adoptive parents are afraid to refuse a placement. They fear they will not be offered other placements if they refuse one, or more.

The most important thing to remember in accepting or refusing a placement is the child. Is placement in your home in the best interest of the child? If you cannot give a heartfelt “yes” to that question, then the answer should be no.

As we all know, every move is hard on a child and taking a child in with under the premise that if things don’t work you’ll just ask to have the child moved, you’re... more

This post is being “dripped” in because my husband and I are away for the weekend. Just the two of us. No kids. A friend of ours is getting married and the wedding is in the Door County Peninsula.

Wisconsin looks like your left hand. The thumb is Door County. We haven’t been there in nearly 10 years, even though it’s only a few hours away. We could have brought Hannah along, and she would have had a great time, but we chose to go alone and spend some time together as adults. I call this parent respite.

Most of the time when foster or adoptive parents... more

For birth parents involved in open adoptions with their child's family or for those involved in reunion with their adult child it doesn't come as a surprise that not all visits are happy-go-lucky, memory-making, balls of rainbows and butterflies. In fact, sometimes these visits are downright hard. They can be emotional, trying, taxing and draining. However, despite all of those things, even the most difficult visit can be healthy.

Note that I didn't say happy. I said healthy. The difference?

Well, there are a few differences.

First and foremost, your attitude is key! I'm not suggesting to hide your emotions under a bushel. In fact, I'll hit on that in my next point.... more

Jealousy can be a major issue in foster care and adoption and it can come in various forms and at many stages during the process. Don’t think you are a jealous person? That may change once you get started.

Let’s explore some the different “types” of jealousy.

Jealous of parents with placement – When you are the parents waiting for a placement watching other parents that you have gone through pre-adoption classes with or other friends that you have, taking placement of their child while your home sits empty, jealousy can come in. This... more

I admit that while reading stories of other birthmothers online that I will tear up. It really doesn’t matter what the exact situation is, it’s just some of the thoughts and feelings are the same. But when I read this, I wasn’t just teary, I was weeping.

A friend read the blog post linked above and told me about it. It is one of the most eloquently written stories of a birthmother that I have ever read. It’s not actually written by the birthmother but by her daughter who was just finding... more

I promised to keep you updated on how our home study and adoption of Hannah is going.

We are in the home stretch. Our home study is completed and approved. We are now in the adoption subsidy process.

This is the point where an adoption subsidy is agreed upon. In a normal circumstance this would have been an ongoing process with the paperwork just needing to be signed, but our case is not normal.

In a normal dissolved adoption, the adoption subsidy does not transfer to the new adoptive parents, but Hannah’s state of birth is actually willing... more

I cannot count on fingers and toes the number of adoptees who have wanted to know their story and have been told, point blank, that they can't have it. By their birth parents, the ones who mentally possess that story. I can't imagine it myself, denying my child that information. And so I implore other birth parents to consider sharing as much information as possible.

No. I don't mean getting into specific detail about the conception. That's now what I mean. I do mean, however, to be honest with your child about the relationship or, in some cases, lack thereof... more