Author

I cannot believe The Blitz is already four.  When he came to us at 10 months, he was a happy bobble-headed baby who sat but didn't crawl; who didn't talk but had an award winning smile. He was a bit of a chub back then; it's hard to imagine now since he's such a skinny boy. The Blitz had never lived with his siblings prior to coming here. He met them weekly in visits with bio-Mom but since he was not yet mobile, their interactions were limited.  Therefore, their first weeks in our home were as much about them getting to know each other as getting to know us. Back then, The Captain focused most of his energy on Tinker; at… [more]

I grew up in an exceedingly polite home. No one ever spoke about any kind of bodily functions in even the most polite terms.  I knew all the words but was well into my 30's before I ever said "fart" and even today am more likely to say "toot" or --in a bind -- "flatulence" or passing gas.  We don't talk about vomit and I have never once used the work p-u-k-e. And yet, I live with three little kids learning to talk and much to my discomfort, it seems like we talk about these things all the time. Enter The Captain.  At 34 months he had a vocabulary of only a few words and one phrase "Oh Man!" He had so few… [more]

It's official!  The Captain is 6.  He came to us just over 3 years ago, two weeks short of his 3rd birthday.  It sounds cliche, but the time has flown! In many respects, he is a normal boy.  He loves active games and Legos.  He loves to run, play, fidget and make a bit of mischief. He loves his siblings and -- this is new -- his parents. He has made so much progress.  He is making huge strides in speech with only a few niggling issues to clear up.  He is learning along with his kindergarten class although at his own pace.  He can do auditory tasks we only dreamed of a year ago.  He has learned to count to… [more]

Our family is Catholic which means at this time of year (season of Lent), we each choose something to "sacrifice."  Little children do not really understand the purpose or goal of this tradition, so we make a choice for them.  This year we decided that the whole family would seek to "bear wrongs patiently." This is hard for me.  It's really hard for young children.  When little ones believed they have been "wronged," they want to shout it from the rooftops. They want retribution. They want justice. I did not have any grand expectations on how this was going to work out. I understand well the process of sacrifice; you give something up, you take it back, you recommit, you slip up, you recommit… [more]

Recently I read an editorial by someone who thought "older parenting" was a terrible idea. I thought I dismissed her characterization of older parents out of hand, but when I could not STOP thinking about it and feeling defensive, I realized there was probably something in it for me.  Grudgingly, I went back and re-read the post. The author was, of course, someone capable of bearing children in the "usual" way. She did not state her age, but I'm guessing she was middle aged or more.  Her basic premise was this:  It's better for children to have parents who are in the 20s. It was not for any of the reasons I would have originally thought -- vigor, stamina, health, or fun… [more]

In the fall I sat on an adoption panel with the birth-mother of a 21 year old.  Having the opportunity to talk with her and hear what she shared with the panel reminded me that I cannot give up in my efforts with the birth families of our children.  She reminded us that whether we are hearing from those birth parents or not, they have never, ever forgotten about their children and that is what we need to communicate to our kids. Birth family relationships in foster-adopt are complicated.  I know there are many former foster kids who  cannot have contact with any part of their birth families. In our case, their birth-mother was not the person who harmed them although it… [more]

This month we will celebrate 3 years since the "Littles" came to live with us.  I got lots of help and advice before they arrived.  Here's my top ten of things that made those first days easier: Be prepared: 1 - Have their rooms ready, beds made 2 - Ask sizes and have at least a few outfits at the ready; don't buy a lot as they may come with things, their sizes may be wrong, or the styles you choose may not work for that child. Even if you normally buy "new," consider thrift shops until you become better acquainted. 3 - Plan several main meals and if time allows, prepare and freeze several 4 - Clear your calendar of all non-essential activities for… [more]

Because our 3 youngest share their birthmother, they all do look a little alike.  This is a new situation for us as our older two look nothing alike.  Although Pepper is 21 months older than Sunshine, when they were youngsters, they were very close to the same size.  People constantly asked us if they were twins. We thought this was pretty funny since we cannot imagine a world in which they could be twins.  They were, however, very close and I think that people picked up on that "sister" vibe between them. Occasionally people did ask, "Are they real sisters?," to which we replied "Yes," even though we knew they meant "biological sisters."  We did not feel their birth stories were anyone's… [more]

Before I became a parent, I was very interested in cribs, baby bathtubs, tiny clothes and shoes.  I agonized over picking the right pediatrician.  I worried that my child would be sick and I wouldn't notice.  (That actually brings a chuckle now since every mother knows that you more often think they are sick when they are fine than the reverse.) I focused a lot on names (probably appropriate) and cloth vs disposable diapers (less important than it seems at first).  We philosophized about parenting methods but had to use almost none of them on our perfect-at-the-time oldest child.  Could I handle sleep deprivation? Would my husband and I still find time together?  (The answer is "Not at first, but it… [more]

I do not work as fast as I used to.  For instance, I'm very happy writing blogs instead of putting away the Christmas decorations.  Oops, did I just admit that publicly?  Sometimes all I can do is laugh about my situation: (These are jokes I've been collecting and I can't take any credit for them!)

This is one of those controversial statements but I fully stand behind it. Women should not have children after 35! Some say, "Of course women can have children after 35!" They don't know what they are talking about and I can guarantee they have had very little experience in the matter. I don't care what the doctor or your friends or your pastor say, Women should not have… [more]