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I have been writing on the birth parent blog here at AdoptionBlogs since October 2006. In that time I have written about many issues facing birth parents, adoptive parents, adoptees and expectant parents considering relinquishment. More over, during that time I have fought my way through therapy, had another son, started and finished other jobs, built a name for myself, failed, succeeded, dyed my hair, pierced my nose (a few times), endured a few speed bumps and road blocks in our open adoption relationship, gained and lost a bunch of weight and generally lived life. I have not always been perfect but, really, I have done the best that I could in all of those situations. And now it's time for me… [more]

Mother's Day is on Sunday. For many different mothers, the day can be a difficult one. Even outside of adoption issues, various moms have emotional complications with the day. From death to custody battles to relationship woes, the day can be difficult for so many mothers! We know that within the adoption world, quite a few birth mothers have mixed feelings about the holiday in general. For birth mothers who are actively parenting other children, the day can be one of mixed feelings. A longing for the child you relinquished, a sadness that they are not present mixed with the joy of hugs and kisses from those under your own room. There is joy in being acknowledged for the mothering… [more]

Depending on how your baby's father reacted to the news of your shared pregnancy, you may or may not be looking forward to broaching the subject of adoption. If you have been researching the topic on your own, you will eventually have to have another one of "Those Discussions." They feel big and scary. The uncertainty of his response might have you dragging your feet. Most of the fear, however, is the unknown. Once you tell him and receive his reaction, you can plan accordingly. As such, you should tell him about your thoughts on adoption as soon as you can muster the courage. The reality of the situation is that your baby's father has rights. As you have decided at… [more]

I had the initial strong reaction to Jillian Michaels' comments about wanting to rescue a child via adoption. I had no issue with her desire to avoid pregnancy (though I can understand why some struggling with fertility issues balked at what came across as a casual remark but, as we later found out, wasn't casual at all). My issue was with her word rescue and the implication that all children who are adopted needed saving by their superior adoptive parents. The truth is that words have come and gone in adoption over the years. What was once acceptable is no longer tolerated when it comes to how we describe certain aspects or people in adoption… [more]

I am very excited that the second Open Adoption Book Tour will feature Lifegivers by James Gritter. If you've been a long-time reader of this blog, you know my passion for this book. In fact, you may have read my very long, very detailed series on the book. I'm so excited that other people are going to read this book about the birth parent experience in open adoption. I've read the book three times myself. Why am I so excited about a book I've already read the heck out of, highlighted and rehighlighted and spilled coffee on twice? Because people need to read it. As this is a birth parent blog, I'm going to appeal to my birth parent readers for a… [more]

Chances are that as you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and some life-altering decisions, you may also be facing a little bit of loneliness. Quite possibly you may be facing a lot of loneliness. Add in the constant flux of hormones and you may find yourself feeling as though you're the only person in the world going through any of this craziness. If you are a teenager or a woman in your early twenties, you may have found that your pregnancy announcement was not met with balloons, flowers or cards by your closest of friends. Some of them may have told you congratulations (though none of mine did) and been excited at the prospect of a baby. However, as your belly begins… [more]

I've been having some email conversations with a few wonderful birth mothers, all from various stages in their journey and from different eras of adoption. I needed to ask a few questions about birth parents and fear. 1. Something awful will happen to our child. As birth parents, we either decide or are told that our child will be in better care with another family. We trust that or force ourselves to trust that idea. The truth is that sometimes bad things happen even in adoptive families. Abuse and death don't skip over a household just because they have adopted. Many of the mothers I talked to held this fear closely. 2. Their child will be irreparably angry. This is not just a… [more]

I have to admit that the title of a post by a fellow blogger raised my hackles. The question posed was aimed at adoptive parents and asked, without hesitation, "What If Your Child Had Been Raised By His Birth Mother?" It took me a few days to read it but, eventually, I gathered my wits about me and dove in. I have some issues with the thought process of this particular What If game. Over the years, I have learned that most incarnations of the What If game aren't conducive to positive thinking. In fact, they can be quite destructive. One exception that sticks out in my mind as acceptable and positive is the "What If I had never cleaned my… [more]

I knew that my situation wasn't what society deemed the normal progression for welcoming a baby into the world. However, I was completely unprepared for the utter lack of excitement when I made my announcement. I was met with disbelief, anger, judgment, laughter, pity and a number of other negative reactions. Part of me wasn't surprised. I wasn't married. I was in one of those post-college, temporary-at-best type jobs. I had a long list of things working against me (and that was before I got sick). The other part of me wondered why not one person offered a simply congratulations. I understand the disappointment but my family was always one who touted the "babies are always a blessing line," as were other people that I associated with at… [more]

I just got a new primary care physician. Or, rather, I just got my first non-specialist doctor since 1998. Other than birthing babies and having kidney disease, I haven't had a regular-Joe doctor in over a decade. As I have some new issues popping up, I needed to establish a primary care physician in order to properly obtain a referral so that my insurance company would actually pay for the expensive procedures that await me. A lot of phone calls, tears and two and a half months later and I finally had myself an appointment and a doctor. But I lied to him. I know I'm all for honesty. And, really, I don't like the idea of lying to a doctor because they need… [more]