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A birth mother in an open adoption wrote a letter to Dear Abby with a question (the third letter on this page) a lot of us have had at one point or another in our adoption journeys. Nine years after the birth and placement of her child, now in her 20's, she was wondering how to address adoption and her role when discussing the topic with others. Her question was specific as to what her answer should be when she is asked if she has children. Abby's answer missed the mark. DEAR BIRTH MOTHER: You are under no obligation to give chapter and verse about your personal history to anyone who is only an acquaintance. If you are asked if you have children, just say no because you are not raising… [more]

I'll admit it: I'm a fan of the show Glee. I may be well out of the target demographic for the show but having been a musical theater dork in high school, it hits a soft spot in my heart. Add in jazzy music numbers, men who can sing and some hilarious exchanged and I am a fan for life. Except for that whole pregnant teen issue. It's not the pregnant teen that has me feeling icky. Teenagers get pregnant whether they're taught about safe sex methods or members of an abstinence club like Quinn, the character in the show who is pregnant. What has left me feeling icky are all of the dramatic issues surrounding her pregnancy. Let's take a brief look.

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I was sitting in my living room, minding my own business when a promo came on the television for a new show. Maybe you've heard of it? Find My Family is a show set to debut on ABC, a channel I rarely watch, on November 23rd. The premise of the show is to reunite family members who have, in the words of the press release, "lost touch." Included in that are, of course, birth parents and the children they relinquished for adoption. The press release can be read here. A unique spin on this particular spinoff of the idea we've seen presented on television over the past few years is that the two searchers on the show are both adoptees. This could be good… [more]

In magazines, self help books and blogs on various topics, you might have run across the advice to do your best to live "an authentic life." What is an authentic life? More over, what is a non-authentic or fake life? While I'm not a professional on the matter with a degree in psychology or self-help-stuff, I do know that I try to live my life as authentically as possible. I try to present myself to those I run across in the most real, legitimate way possible. This can be troubling for birth parents. It was once troubling for me as well. Before I found enough inner peace to allow me the ability to discuss adoption with anyone who crossed my path, I couldn't live my own form of authenticity. While I will… [more]

As we continue through our life journeys, we meet new people. Unless we're hermits, we're going to continue meeting new people. It's just a fact of life. Some people don't matter much in the grand scheme of things. Others do. Most people fall somewhere in between. As we get to know new people, questions about our lives come up. While sometimes we're given the chance to get to know people very well first, sometimes we're forced to talk about our connection to adoption before we're really ready. How do you deal with that conversation? In fact, even with people that you've gotten to know very well but have chosen not to discuss adoption with them until a certain point, how do you… [more]

A question was posed by an adoptive mom on the Birth Parents in Open Adoption forum just the other day. New to the process of open adoption, she was asking what we (as birth parents) liked to do on our visits. She wanted to know what we (as birth parents) liked to do with our placed children. Anything! Everything! And nothing! All at once. The scope of our visits with my daughter's family has changed over the years. At first, it was about me spending time with her. Now it's more about her spending time with my parented sons, her brothers. The point in sharing that is this: what is fun and what is important during a visit will change… [more]

If you are considering relinquishment, you may be working with an adoption agency. Adoption agencies can be a great tool to use when seeking out potential adoptive parents for your child. They can also hinder the process in certain ways. I always talk about the absolute need to find an ethical adoption agency. However, I want you to consider something very important that isn't really an ethical matter but more of a business matter. That sounds awful, doesn't it? That the placement of your baby would be likened to that of a business transaction? Unfortunately, to too many agencies, it comes down to that. Even if you remove the money from the equation, the truth is that some social workers and agency workers… [more]

While reading books about pregnancy is vital to your journey, reading and learning about adoption is important if you are even remotely considering relinquishment. It's hard to know where to start. Unfortunately many books on the subject are outdated but don't come with a warning that says, "This book no longer applies to adoption as we know it." I can think of three books that are recent and relevant. 1. The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler. Presenting readers with a multi-birthmother account of the Baby Scoop Era, this book is a necessary read for anyone touched by adoption. Some people try to dismiss it as history and, as such, unimportant for people dealing with current issues. Not the case… [more]

If you don't know, we're giving away three copies of the book The Primal Wound in hopes that people will participate in a blog tour on the book during National Adoption Month. Our giveaway, while hosted on the birth parent blog, is inclusive of all members of the triad as is the book tour. I want to encourage families who are considering adopting or are somewhere in the waiting process to pick up this book (or enter the giveaway) and really read it. As a warning: it won't be an easy read. The premise of the book is that the process of removing the adoptee from one mother and placing the child with another family creates a, you guessed it… [more]

As I posted yesterday, we're giving away a copy of The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier. We're hoping that others in the triad will join in the book tour scheduled for next month. While some argue that the book is for adoptees, as they're the ones who have been affected the most by the adoption, still others argue that the book is for adoptive parents who are raising the child. I'm here to argue that while those other points are true, the book is also important for birth parents. Why? Birth parents aren't involved in the day-to-day raising of the child. Even birth parents who are fortunate enough to be involved in fully open adoption relationships complete with… [more]