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I received a private e-mail alerting me to a blog over on the Psychology Today website. The topic is why more people don’t adopt. Personally, I think the blog is well written and addresses all types of adoption. The people who have commented on the blog address international and infant adoption as well as foster care adoption, but the author, Susan Newman, Ph.D., delves into all issues. I am pro adoption for any type of adoption. There are children everywhere that need families. My husband and I chose foster care adoption for a variety of reasons. I have friends who have adopted internationally and a few who have adopted domestic infants. I do not think any one form of… [more]

I am reading a book for my lay ministry classes and I came to a very interesting portion. The book is called “Transforming Leadership” and it’s by Leighton Ford. The book is about Jesus as a leader. The part that interested me has nothing to do with religion. The author is talking about another book called “Creative Suffering” by Paul Tournier. He wrote the book after reading some research done by Dr. Pierre Rentchnick. Dr. Rentchnick did an interesting study of some of the greatest leaders in the history of the world and discovered that over three hundred of them were orphans. Not all of these names are ones that we would equate with great positive people, but they are… [more]

There is a story out of a Wisconsin about a pastor being charged with child abuse. It seems this pastor paddled his son, literally. He has a large paddled that he used to spank his12 year old son, leaving bruises on his buttocks. The case is going to a jury trial since the judge feels there is not clear cut evidence if there was a felony committed. There must be more to this story than has been released since one of the things that we learned during our abuse investigation was that bruising indicated abuse. We were told we could spank our children but if you used an instrument other than your hand or left bruises on the child, it was considered abuse. Interestingly… [more]

Many times parents wonder if they should do foster care to adoption or “straight” adoption. There is a great difference between the two and it is a decision only you can make. What are the differences? There really is only one difference but it is a big one. My husband and I have only done “straight” adoption, which means that we have only taken in children that we intended to adopt. With foster to adopt you are taking in foster children and may potentially adopt one or multiple children who come into your home. Some parents choose to go this route because they feel they are more likely to get a younger child and that is potentially true, but not a… [more]

Over the weekend I got to see my beautiful niece, Lisa. I don’t get to spend as much time with her as I’d like so any time with her is treasured. Lisa and my son, Sammy, are two months apart in age, but worlds apart in maturity. Talking with her made me contemplate what could have been if Sammy had not had all the issues that he has had to deal with in his life. The early part of Lisa’s life was less than desirable. My brother did not knowledge her existence or his paternity for the first almost seven years of her life. Lisa officially joined our family about six weeks after Sammy’s adoption was finalized so their time with us is very… [more]

Sometimes kids get stuck in bad behavior and it’s hard to break them out of it. It seems like an endless string of bad behavior that leads to a consequence that leads to an angry child with bad behavior that leads to a consequence and the loop just continues. It is hard to get out of this cycle, even if you’re adult. Being a child and trying to find the way out of it can be extremely difficult. Sometimes our kids get stuck in these ruts because they have all these feelings inside that they can’t verbalize or may not even understand. They may not know that it’s the anniversary of the day they moved to your home or the day that their… [more]

Sometimes people ask me “How will I know when my child is attached?” That is one of those questions that doesn’t have a single answer. First of all attachment is a marathon, not a sprint. Your child does not suddenly become attached over night. It is a gradual process and you may be able to pinpoint when something in your relationship changes, but chances are you will not know the exact moment when it happens. The other issue is that all kids are different, even if they have the same parents. Even in biological children there are vast personality differences and interests. Genetics or parenting does not solely determine who or what a child will become. Kids with attachment issues have usually… [more]

"Peanut Butter Kisses & Mud Pie Hugs" is the title of a humorous, Christian book about parenting by Becky Freeman. The book takes some of the stressful moments of parenting and pokes fun at them. It covers all stages of parenting from initially finding out about the baby, to the teenage years when you might want to just throttle your child. You will be able to relate to chapters on things like shopping with children, reasonable adults becoming babbling idiots when they see a baby, lessons learned from kids, playing in the days before video games and 100 channels on T.V., the mom amnesia we get and forgot to pick up our kids or sign permission slips and various other things. One of my… [more]

As I am writing this, Hannah is upstairs having a tantrum. We should be out Trick-Or-Treating, but she is refusing to listen to my instructions and pretending that she doesn’t know what they were. It has been an exciting day so far. My husband is out of town for a business meeting so it’s just me and Hannah. We went to church, went to lunch and then off to see High School Musical 3. The plan was to come home and have her change into her costume then head off to collect as much candy as humanly possible. She knew the schedule, so this is not taking her by surprise and she handles transition very well. Hannah has been looking forward to today… [more]

While I was reading my devotion today, I read the comments about the passage in the margin. I use the Women of Faith Study Bible and there are notes all through the bible about different passages, the women in some of the stories and about the books of the bible themselves. Today’s devotion was on Psalm 55. David is lamenting being constantly attacked by enemies and is calling out to God for help. Here is a portion of what the notes in the margin say: Much of the time, what we care about is not entirely within our control. We can’t dictate the results of our best efforts; we can’t force our hopes to materialize; and we definitely can’t make someone we love healthy and… [more]