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After each visit with my son I am left feeling emotionally drained. I feel like my emotions are on overload and I just need a little time recuperate and let my emotions settle back down. It’s worse if there is big emotional anticipation accompanying a visit like with a birthday or a special occasion such as his kindergarten graduation a few years back but nonetheless, it is always there in some form or fashion. So, how can you deal with that feeling of emotional exhaustion after a visit? I’ll share what works for me. I give myself time to recuperate and rest after a visit. Usually by the next day I’m better. Sleep always helps too. Things always seem brighter after a nap or a good night’s sleep. I usually try… [more]

“Moving on.” Have you heard that phrase in relation to your grief as a birthmother before? I certainly have and have learned that older birthmothers from the closed era heard it even more frequently than I do now as that was the norm back then. What about the phrase “get over it?” I can’t recall an instance in which someone told me that in regards to adoption although I do have friends who have had it said to them. To me personally, moving on implies moving on and getting over it implies that you are just moving past something and forgetting about it. As a mother, even though I’m not raising my son, I can’t ever just forget him. Even if I didn’t have an open… [more]

In the beginning of our adoption when my son was still able a baby, I dreaded leaving or him having to leave our visits. I dreaded having to say goodbye to him. I dreaded it even before the visit actually started, even in the planning stages that dread of saying goodbye to him was always there. Each time I had to say goodbye, I was taken back to that moment leaving the hospital when I leaned down and gave my small baby boy a kiss and whispered my love for him in his ear. It was emotionally exhausting to go through that with each and every visit especially at that point in our lives when our visits were about monthly. After awhile though, it became clear… [more]

Every single day I think about my birthson. Not one day goes by that I don’t think of him but there are days that I think of him more than others and thus miss his presence in my life more at certain times than others. Yes, we are in an open adoption, thus a part of each other’s lives but I do miss his daily presence in my life that would occur if I were parenting him. I doubt I’m alone in this. Sometimes there are triggers for times that I miss him more such as birthdays and holidays but at other times there isn’t any special date and I just find myself missing him more than usual. Perhaps it is because I see a mother… [more]

Summer time is an ideal time for visits for some of those participating in open adoptions. Kids are out of school. The weather is usually nice; hot but sunny and a prime time for doing things outdoors. If you haven’t made plans for your summer visits, do so now! The leaves will be falling again before you know it! Below are some ideas for summer visits but as always keep in mind that some of the ideas will vary depending on exactly how open your adoption is, the type of relationship you have with your child’s adoptive parents, the leeway you have with visits, and your child’s age. The ideas below are intended to include the child’s adoptive parents and siblings (birth and/or adopted) as well… [more]

Each visit with my birth son or each time I talk to him on the phone, he asks me more questions. I must admit that the first time he ever asked me an adoption related question I was unprepared! I was expecting these questions to come during the tween and teen years. I guess I forget how advanced typical children are nowadays. I stammered answering that first question and almost messed up for a second. I really was shocked as it was so unexpected! But luckily, I took a second, thought, and answered him openly and honestly. So, at some point in our child’s life, regardless of whether we are the birth parent or the adoptive parent, we are going to be faced with tough questions… [more]

As I’ve mentioned before, I love music and can often times here a song and relate to it in some way, shape, or form. The lyrics of songs can cheer me up, make me feel happy or sad, make me feel less alone, or remind me of a particular moment in my life. Often times for me, it isn’t the whole song I relate to but a particular verse, the chorus, or sometimes even just one particular line or phrase. Sometimes I can hear a song repeatedly before it may touch me. As I was recently listening to the radio Here Comes Goodbye by Rascal Flatts song came on. I’ve been touched by many of their songs and while I’ve heard this song before… [more]

It’s summer time which for a lot of people equals vacation and traveling time. When I’m on vacation, as a birthmother, my thoughts often drift off to Charlie. If we are doing something neat I’ll wonder if he has ever done that before or would he like it. I try not to think these thoughts too much as I like to enjoy my vacation. However, I still think about him. Below are a few ideas of things I do to “include” my birth son in our vacation.

• Mail him a post card. I try to buy a cool post card somewhere that we are visiting and I mail it to him while away. Even if I know that I will beat it home, I

In the past few weeks I have seen several articles about birthmothers and adoption. Like most articles I read that pertain to birthmothers and adoption, there are positive points, points I liked, as well as points that made me cringe and points I thought they could have left out but overall I think these articles are pretty good. I thought I’d highlight a few of those articles and the positive points here. This article titled Celebrating Birthmothers out of the Calgary Herald discusses Birthmother’s Day and features bits of the story of a 23 year old birthmother named Tina Johnson who placed a now 8 year old boy in an open adoption directly following his birth when she was 15 years old. The article… [more]

In my last post I wrote about the BirthMom Buds event held at the beginning of May. In that post, I briefly mentioned that we had two speakers talk about how birthmothers and adoption had changed and touched their lives. One of the speakers was Justin, a fifteen year old adoptee. So many of the things he said resonated with me and touched me so I thought I’d share them with my readers. Justin was adopted at birth and told us that he always knew he was adopted although it didn’t start to really click as to what being adopted meant until he was middle school age. Justin talked about what an amazing life he has, how much he loves his (adoptive) parents, and how grateful he is that… [more]