Author

My top ten intrusive question number three is pretty basic but I find it entirely irritating. "Are they brothers?" Many of the questions that bother me have to do with alienating my children. We work hard every day to make a life for our boys where they feel at ease and comfortable with themselves. We want them to feel like normal kids. We do things like other families do, trying to have as routine a life as possible. We try to put the boys on meds that don't need to be taken during the school day. We try to make sure that the kids have moderately "cool" clothes and shoes. We try to help them blend in as much as possible. Our kids stick out plenty… [more]

As we continue the countdown, I'd like to address one of the more interesting questions we've gotten over the course of our journey. "Are those kids going to turn out to be thugs?" Really. I mean it. Really. Maybe we just live in hickville but this was a serious question. It was as if children who have been in care are predisposed to the "thug life". I'm honestly not even sure what was meant by the question. Through more thorough examination we discovered the inquiry had to do with whether or not our new son would wear his pants above or below his behind. Now we ALL know that the location of one's pants has a great deal to do with identifying a possible thug. I hope… [more]

If you are planning or hoping to adopt through foster care there will be a great deal of time spent with your social worker, or adoption worker. For some this relationship can be very difficult and trying. For us it has been beautiful. We first met our wonderful worker after we inquired about a pair of brothers on our state's adoption photolisting. He is the worker responsible for the boys we were interested in so he came to our home to talk about the situation these two kiddos were in. At first we weren't so sure about George (names changed to protect the not-so-innocent). I think, even as forward thinking a couple as we are, we were taken aback by a male adoption worker. There were… [more]

Have you ever been in a difficult conversation with someone and suddenly the right words just fly out of your mouth? You find yourself sitting in awe of the genius comment you just made but wondering where it came from. You're sure that your brain has never concocted such a miraculous bit of information before but you're also sure that the words came out of your mouth. I might be a bit slow but I've begun to realize that when the miraculous flings itself from my mouth, it is generally the Holy Spirit speaking. Now, I don't want to get too crazy here but I do believe in the Power of the Spirit of God to provide us with the words to help someone in need… [more]

A disclaimer for this post: I do understand that there are many types of parenting relationships. There are same-sex parents, single parents, married parents, separated parents, and others. For simplicity, I will refer to marriage in this post when talking about the parenting relationship. Challenges in a marriage will either make a couple stronger or tear them apart. Children who have emotional struggles due to past experiences are a challenge to a marriage. Sometimes kids will directly attack the marriage relationship, attempting to divide and conquer. Sometimes it is merely the stress of parenting challenging children that will eat away at the foundation of a marriage. For children who have never seen a good example of a strong marriage, it is important to clearly define the… [more]

Continuing in the top ten intrusive questions rigmarole, I have another fun statement for you. Time and time again people would begin their insanity with something along the lines of this: "I know this guy who knows a guy whose sister adopted from foster care and..." Off they would plummet into insane stories, all horrible, of kids who had ruined the lives of their parents, their neighbors, and every living thing within a 10 mile radius. Many people were the brilliant masterminds of these types of comments but I must say, my in-laws were the best. They know this one family, ONE family I say, who adopted a kiddo who turned out to be a disaster. He actually burned the house down. This family lives across… [more]

From the beginning of our relationship, hubby and I have been passionate about adoption. On our second date we talked about our dreams of adopting a little girl from China. We were young and so inexperienced with the world at that point. We had no idea what challenges were coming our way that would shape our choices in growing a family. In the first two years of our marriage my husband spent 19 months deployed to a combat zone in Iraq. On the day he arrived home we had spent a total of three weeks together since saying "I do". During part of hubby's deployment I spent some time in Nairobi, Kenya working with the poorest of the poor. It was the only time hubby and… [more]

****I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am NOT a medical professional and do not offer this information as a hard and fast rule for all children. Please speak with your medical professionals before changing any medications for your child.**** Hubby and I have very strong feelings about medicating our children. Often, in the foster care system, kids end up with multiple diagnoses and their corresponding medications because no one really wanted to deal with the root of their behaviors. It is much easier to medicate a child into submission than it is to dig deep and help a child climb out of the holes their lives have landed them in. I believe it is unreasonable to diagnose a child with 5 different disorders… [more]

Both of our sons have some level of Reactive Attachment Disorder along with some other difficult diagnoses. These issues create a great deal of difficulty when it comes to creating that special bond that parents have with their children. Biological parents, for the most part, have no difficulty when it comes to bonding with their children. The essential parent/child bond happens within minutes of birth and continues to grow naturally as the child grows. It is not a conscious effort that must be put forth by mom and dad. This is not so for the parents of children with attachment difficulties. Everything in the lives of my children prior to arriving in our home has conditioned them to believe that adults cannot be trusted and ultimately, that… [more]

When we were in the process of adopting our first son through the foster care system, I was often frustrated by the lack of information out there regarding the foster adopt process. Over and over again I could find info on international adoption but not on foster adoption. That lack of information is part of why I wanted to be a blogger on AdoptionBlogs.com. Today, I'd like to address the issue of the foster adoption home study. I remember being so afraid and so nervous at the thought of my home being under a microscope. At one point I even yelled at my father-in-law in a restaurant when we were out with a large group of people from church. He didn't seem to think I needed… [more]