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Her story became a secret, and secrets are always burdensome and translate into shame.  Even if we didn’t view it that way when we hid it, even if our motives were not initially shame based (though they often are) we will come to see it as something worthy of being hidden. Anything we attempt to escape will come to be seen as something worthy of escape. There was a time when I skirted the topic in conversation. Every time I had to twist or orchestrate an answer so as to steer away from what I was hiding, I felt uncomfortable and sad. I think some of us, instead of heeding that discomfort, just get used to it. And it spills over. We find that… [more]

Yesterday at church, I was among a large group of women discussing how one can be led in difficult decisions. The first thing to play in my mind was how I came to find my son’s family. I had the feeling I ought to share but I argued with myself; “but Tamra, it’s of a highly personal nature, you’ll make people uncomfortable. It’s not the kind of comment one can easily make concise, etc.” As we went from each segment of the lesson, my withheld comment continued to be relevant and the prompt to share continued to press on me. Finally in the last moments of the lesson, I decided I’d better heed. I started “Do you mind if I share something of a rather… [more]